Staff Goals for 2016

The holidays and vacation are over. School is starting again. The Christmas tree really needs to come down (at least at my house – please tell me I’m not the only one.) On this first work week of the new year, we’re pretty optimistic about 2016, but instead of making New Year’s Resolutions, which have about a 99.9% chance of failing, our staff decided to make some 2016 goals. Goals are good. Goals sound better than resolutions. :) 

In 2016, here are the achievable goals of the Hope Clinic staff:

Amy - Get my husband through Nursing School!!!

Cindi - To be still with God and know Him. To be still with my family and friends, let them know I value them and love them by listening with all my heart and attention.  

Desirée - I would like to do yoga more…

Elise - To pray more often and more intentionally and to become a better rock climber!

Emmely - To have more intentional family fun time.

Katie - To slow down more. And be kinder to myself.

Kelley –  

1. Get back into a workout routine 
2. Read 20 books
3. Do 4 Bible Studies 
4. Floss – on my list every single year 

Mallori - To de-clutter, be more organized, and to complete things I start (books, projects, etc).

Renée – To love people more and love well. Frankly if I do that everything else will fall into place.

Sara – To be slower to speak and quicker to listen and learn.

Stasi - My goals for 2016 are to travel to visit family more, embrace imperfection and vulnerability, and invest deeply in my church and community of friends. 

What does it mean to respond with love?

We all want to be loved, valued and affirmed. After that, we may want many different things, but at our core we want love. Unfortunately, for so many of us, we did not see what true sacrificial love looks like in our childhood, so we grabbed onto the counterfeit. It is so clear that the love of the father has such an important role on our sons and daughters. The vast majority of men in prison had no father figure in the home. Many women who are dealing with self-esteem, body image, love addiction, etc. point back to what we flippantly refer to as ‘daddy issues’.

On social media we are reading how people define love. And in many cases it is the counterfeit kind. It is based on emotion and it is fleeting. God’s love for us was set in motion back in Genesis when He provided a way out for us after the sin of Adam and Eve. His love for us was fulfilled with Jesus’ birth, death/sacrifice on the cross, and resurrection. Love is a choice. Love is selfless. Love comes at a cost. Love has boundaries. Abuse of love has consequences. 

We need a lot more authentic love today. Love that listens with soft eyes. Love that allows honest sharing, but allows for healthy disagreement. Love that is displayed far more than it is spoken. This kind of love begins with how we treat our own families. How parents treat their children and how they teach them to treat others, including those in authority, shows them what authentic love means.

Love is not defined nor exemplified on social media. It is done day-to-day out in the real world. It is messy. We are all flawed and we will make mistakes. But we must invest in one another in real and tangible ways if we ever hope to model the authentic love our Father showed us through the gift and sacrifice of His Son. That is the love that will cross the great divide happening all around us. That is the love that really does win.

Hope Clinic for Women has a wonderful training for parents that can take place in a 4-week group session or alone with our male counselor on staff. He also provides excellent couples and family counseling. If you are interested in rediscovering healthy love and healthy relationships for you and your family, please contact us at 321.0005 or www.hopeclinicforwomen.org.

Renée Rizzo, CEO of Hope Clinic for Women

10 Healthy Ways to Keep Your Marriage/Relationship Moving Forward

With Valentine’s Day fast approaching I am always asked by couples, “How do you keep your marriage/relationship moving in the right direction?”  These are some simple truths I have found that work very well.  I even have to look at these often just to keep my relationship positive.

1. Successful relationships take work.  They don’t happen in a vacuum.  They occur when the couples in them take the risk of sharing what it is that’s going on in their hearts and heads.
2. You can only change yourself, not your partner.  If you love someone and think that after a while he/she will alter his/her behaviors you find uncomfortable, think again.  If you want changes, put them out there for your partner to see so your partner knows what you need.
3. All arguments stem from our own fear or pain.  When upset occurs, check out what’s going on inside of you rather than get angry with your partner.  The truth is that we usually aren’t upset for the reasons we think.
4. Understand that men and women are very different.  We’re not from Mars or Venus; we’re not even in the same solar system.  Understanding and celebrating our differences will make living together more peaceful, interesting, and fun.
5. Honor each other in some way every day.  Every morning you have the opportunity to make your relationship sweeter and deeper by recommitting to your mate.  Feeling respected and cherished by the one you love makes life much nicer.
6. Anger is a waste of time.  It’s a relationship killer, because it makes you self-absorbed and won’t allow you to see the good. Give yourself some time to calm down and then gently discuss what’s going on with you.
7. Get regular tune-ups.  Go to a couple’s workshop, talk with a therapist, or read a relationship book together at least once a year.  You will pick up ideas, and the process alone will strengthen your connection.
8. Find a way to become and stay best friends.  For some this sounds unromantic, but for those who live it, most say it’s the best part of their time together.
9. Be responsible for your own happiness.  No other person can make you happy; it’s something you have to do on your own.  Look within to find out what piece may be missing for you.
10. Give what you want to get.  Our needs change with time.  If you’d like to feel understood, try being more understanding.  If you want to feel more love, try giving more.  It’s a simple program that really works.  

Most of all, enjoy being with one another.  Love is a gift from God!!

Terry Cheatham is the Male and Parent Counselor at Hope Clinic. He also facilitates Marriage workshops for Marriage Helper as well as counsels couples who attend.

Hope Clinic... From a New Employee's Perspective

So… I’m new here. I knew about Hope Clinic for Women before I started working here in April, but didn’t know the depth of services they provided. I have been in awe since I started and am so proud to be a part of this great organization.

Yes, I’m the marketing person here, but this is not a marketing piece I promise. It is my job to market our organization to the community and present it in its best light in every PR opportunity. However, that is not why I’m writing this blog.

I’m writing this blog because I think some of my friends were a little scared when I told them about my new position… I assured them that it wasn’t a political organization and that it was welcoming to anyone and everyone who walked through the doors. I’m sure glad that my experience here is true to that.

WWJD? (What Would Jesus Do?)

I remember these bracelets well and I had one my freshman year at the University of Tennessee. Were they cheesy? Yes, but they were also a great reminder of how to live our lives. When I came to Hope Clinic, I was overwhelmed with the WWJD attitude here. Our clients come from all different walks of life and with all sorts of different thoughts on how they are going to handle their situation. Hope Clinic welcomes them all… no judgment, just love.

I’ve never had an unexpected pregnancy. I’ve never had to face that tough decision. I’ve had to make other tough decisions though and I’ve made some bad decisions over the course of my almost 33 years. Luckily, I have experienced an overwhelming amount of love and grace in my life and I hope that for everyone who faces a bump in the road… that the same love and grace are extended to them in the midst of their crisis or bad decision.

Hope Clinic does that…

You're not alone in your struggle. We are Hope Clinic for Women, and we're here for you. We listen, we understand, and we respect your right to privacy and confidentiality. We offer comfort, support, counseling, plus free or low-cost medical treatment from trained professionals.
Anyone can visit Hope Clinic for Women. You simply have to walk through our door, where hope is waiting.

I sit in staff meetings amazed at the hearts of the staff that work here… amazing people doing extraordinary things with their gifts; from our medical staff, to our counselors, to the fundraising staff, receptionist and CEO… All women (and one man) with amazing hearts for God, who are living out what Jesus would truly do every single day. There is a genuine concern to help women, men and families. There is a genuine goal to raise money for the purpose of providing more services to our clients. It’s an amazing thing to witness and I am humbled by their hearts and their drive… And I am honored to be one of them.

Alison Cooke has been on staff at Hope Clinic for Women since April 2011. She is responsible for events, marketing, PR, websites and social media. After several years of looking for the right fit, she is sure she's found it here at Hope Clinic.

Give them Love AND Justice?!?

Give them Love AND Justice?!
Earl Burns

When I was a kid, the biggest perk to living in a new middle-lower class neighborhood was the fact that it was developed smack dab in the middle of hilly Tennessee farmland with nothing around us really but woods to explore, rusty barbed-wire fences to cross, and old barns to get in to trouble in!

Most of us can remember at least one time in particular where we got in trouble for doing something we shouldn’t have been doing (I won’t be sharing all of mine). For some reason, I seem to remember a lot of those, but one particular memory seems to stick out…

Our neighbor across the street had a 1962 Chevy Pickup that had no doubt been rescued from some friend’s front yard (with cinder blocks in place of rubber tires if you catch my drift). Every Saturday our neighbor would get up at the crack of dawn to work on that truck. I remember several times the engine catching on fire in the process! Aside from replacing the cinder blocks with real Goodyear white-walls, the one thing he did seem to get right was the paint job. That truck was his pride and joy!

One Saturday afternoon (age 10), while testing the strength of a used bow I bought from a friend, I decided it would be great to see how deep I could get the returning arrow to sink into the dirt after shooting it straight up. Having a brother who was a great spotter helped with my intentions of having a perfect trajectory, but (as we all miss details from time to time), I did NOT account for wind-sheer! For the few seconds of flight while we stood in our back yard, I actually thought this was going to be the perfect shot until a loud THUD came from across the street. The thud was a result of a solid steel arrow-head piercing the nice shiny hood of that black ’62 Chevy!

My dad was NOT happy, but not quite as unhappy as the neighbor seemed! After running from my neighbor’s house to avoid apparent bodily injury, I was soon confronted by my Dad. I knew I was in trouble! As much as I hated having to tell my dad about something I did that was wrong, the part I always looked forward to was getting it over with. My dad told me I would have to go apologize (and retrieve the arrow still lodged in the hood) and then offer to pay for the repairs.

What I remember most is turning around to face my house after apologizing to my neighbor and seeing the curtain in our picture window jump back into place from where my Dad had been peeking to check on me. When I got home, he hugged me and then explained to me, as he always did, how important it was to take responsibility for the things we do that are wrong and then to do what we can to make them right. I will never forget that lesson, partly because of the content, but mostly because of the consistency with which he taught me… and still does to this day! What drove that point home is that I saw him do the same thing when he was faced with difficult scenarios and was called to account for his own mistakes and shortcomings.

We all, at our deepest core, know that making choices that are unwise in nature require some sort of justice. For example; a company charges us for something they did not do, we expect to get a credit on the invoice and if it happens consistently, we may even resort to reported them to the Federal Trade Commission or the Better Business Bureau. We do the same thing with our children.

Now that I am a father, and have been for over 10 years now, I have learned how important it is to teach my son to take responsibility for his actions when he does something wrong by not only using my words, but also my actions. Tacked onto this concept however is the importance of combining that discipline with LOVE! I have to work at this DAILY and fail regularly!!

We, as humans, seem to have this innate ability to default to one extreme or the other. We are either ALL JUSTICE, or ALL LOVE. It is difficult for us, in our finite minds, to comprehend the importance of being BOTH. Without love, justice becomes nothing more than punishment without rehabilitation, and the negative behavior will continue. Without justice, love is cheapened and becomes a response that is interpreted by the child as “I guess they don’t really care” – and so the behavior continues without any change.

The best way for us to instill a solid, life-changing motivation in the hearts of our children is to help them understand the need for justice, while proclaiming to them that we love them. This balance must be maintained and does not, unfortunately, exist without regular repair and enforcement.

The BIGGEST hurdle for parents that I mentor today is their struggle, or unwillingness, to grasp the importance of helping their children to recognize the JUSTICE required as a result of unwise choices, while proclaiming their unchanged LOVE for their child. Too often, as parents, we stop after discussing the consequences! Consequences are unavoidable and natural and do not always have to be explained, but unconditional LOVE is something that is rare to stumble on these days… and you can’t take that chance with your kids! TELL THEM THAT YOU LOVE THEM AND THAT YOUR LOVE FOR THEM WILL NEVER GO AWAY – despite unwise choices.

It may not be an arrow accidentally shot into the hood of your neighbor’s favorite past-time, but either way, your kids should know that you disagree with a particular behavior and why, and then, in the same breath, they should be told that your LOVE for them will never change as a result of negative behavior! How would you be different today if you had experienced this in your childhood?

This Father’s Day weekend share with us an example of how your father, or you as a father, have demonstrated justice with love. Happy Father’s Day Dads!!!

Earl Burns has over 20 years of mentoring experience to teens and individuals and oversees our programs that cater specifically to the male partners and parents of Hope Clinic’s clients. He started as a volunteer at Hope Clinic and now also leads the prevention program as well as manages relationships with our other Agency partners. You can email Earl at: eburns@hopeclinicforwomen.org