I must confess I loved Dirty Dancing when I was in college. I was also naïve. Back then I was Baby, the smart girl who never got the HOT Johnny Castle guy. So all I cared about was that this smart/not that hot chick ended up becoming this great dancer AND getting the HOT guy to fall for her. Somehow I managed to ignore the whole part about the ‘back alley’ abortion, and the fact that Baby ends up having sex with the HOT guy she has known for less than 2 weeks. I am pretty sure the version in my head has a part two where after Johnny returns for the final dance, he follows her to college, proposes, they get married and have 2.5 children with a white picket fence, thereby excusing her having sex with him so quickly. Uh yeah. When you are a virgin, this whole thought process seems quite possible. You think that when a guy has sex with you it MUST be because he sees how valuable and incredible you are and that he will never let YOU go because you are SO DIFFERENT than every other girl he has slept with.
So when talk came up recently about the remake of Dirty Dancing, I had mixed opinions along with the rest of the world simply because I didn’t think anyone could replace Jennifer Grey and Patrick Swayze…and since I have been told I look like Jennifer, well someone replacing US seemed …sad. But secretly, I wondered…if it meant promoting the smart girl getting the HOT guy again, I was intrigued. What I didn’t think through was: promoting that all abortions pre-legal were done ‘in a back alley’. The truth is abortions were happening in doctors’ offices back then too. Our clients admit that. Could this really be a way for pro-choice people to push the image yet again what a horrible fate will befall women if abortion is made illegal?
The other thing is that it promotes a smart girl having sex with a HOT guy within two weeks of knowing him, fully knowing that a future with him is unlikely since this is a summer romance. We don’t know if they use birth control, but we do know they have sex. And we do know that all of a sudden Johnny is a changed man. At my age, I have since learned that even the smart pretty girls who have sex with the HOT guy don’t turn them around so easily. Most don’t return for the ‘magical dance’.
I was challenged to think about this and possibly change my perception of this movie based on this article I read it online and felt really convicted. You would think in my line of work, I would have realized the negative influence this movie, wrapped in good music and some skilled dancing, could have to a whole new generation. That another generation of girls would act stupid pretty quickly when said HOT boy gives them some attention. How easily I was sidetracked….how easily could our young people be sidetracked?
http://www.suntimes.com/entertainment/7121017-417/dirty-dancing-remake-will-let-young-girls-down.html
What do you think?
Renee Rizzo is President and CEO of Hope Clinic for Women. She feels passionate about helping all people; especially women who have been hurt or broken, realize there IS hope, and that God has a purpose for each one of us.
Established in 1983, Hope Clinic for Women equips women, men and families to make healthy choices with unplanned pregnancies, prevention, pregnancy loss and postpartum depression.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Friday, August 12, 2011
"Two Lines"
“Two lines!” As one of the pregnancy services counselors here at Hope Clinic for Women, I got used to saying (or at least thinking) this little phrase on a regular basis. Nearly every week, I saw pregnancy tests with those two little pink lines, which meant the pregnancy test was positive! After seeing a handful of positive pregnancy test, it was easy to normalize it and not think of the true implications of those words. “Two lines!” I tried to understand my clients, learn more about their circumstances, and support them in the way that they needed- that is what I loved and was trained to do. However, I could never truly know how it felt and what it meant that their test came back positive. I had never experienced the stress, the joy, the excitement, the shock, or the fear that comes with an unplanned pregnancy. Though I tried as hard as I could to understand my clients, I never truly knew what it was like to take a walk in their shoes.
A little over 3 months ago, however, I administered a pregnancy test that changed my perspective forever. Because this time, I was the client. At first glance, it looked like the test was going to be negative. However, I had to give it 3-5 minutes to process so that I could make an accurate reading! I thought, “5 minutes!!! I can’t wait that long!!!” I was so antsy that I had to just walk away and distract myself with TV while I waited. I walked back into the room where the test strip was sitting on the countertop, and sure enough, two lines. I thought maybe my eyes were playing tricks on me, so I promptly snatched it up and started inspecting it to make sure. Of course, my eyes were not deceiving me. I just stared at the test strip and said, “two lines!” These were the most exciting and frightening words I have ever uttered. I was feeling so many emotions all at once. “I am going to be a mommy!” “I hope I’m a good mommy.” “Are my husband and I ready for this?” “He’s going to be a great dad!” “Is the baby okay?” “I am going to love this baby so much!” “What am I going to do about school and work?” “We will figure it out.” “Are you sure Lord?” “Thank You Lord!”
This experience has allowed me to see my clients in a whole new light. My situation and set of circumstances is not exactly the same as anyone else’s, but on some level, I get it now. I understand the joy, the confusion, the fear, the shock, the stress, and the excitement. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you are going through, an unplanned pregnancy is a shock to the system. I now have even more respect and empathy for the women who walk through our door. More than ever, my goal is to meet them wherever they are at and support them in any way I can. I want to know what those “two lines” mean to them and how it is going to affect their lives. Everyone’s story is different and has its own unique set of difficulties and obstacles.
Fortunately for me, I am very blessed. I have a house, a stable job, health insurance, food on the table, a college education, close friends, supportive family, an amazing church, a loving husband, and a relationship with the Lord. I see clients all of the time who have nothing on that list. Woah! I have all of these blessings and I still get anxious! I cannot imagine going through this experience without these things, like so many of our clients do. My own unplanned pregnancy has really helped me put things in perspective and has given me even more compassion for the women that we serve at Hope Clinic for Women. Our purpose, our mission, and our passion for touching lives and instilling hope means so much more to me than ever before. I am blessed to be a part of this ministry and I am so proud of the work that is done inside these walls (and outside these walls.) Hope Clinic for Women offers the resources, support, love, counsel, and hope that our clients may not receive anywhere else. There is song that says, “There is hope for the hopeless, rest for the weary, love for the broken heart, there is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing, He'll meet you wherever you are. So cry out to Jesus.” I am so blessed and humbled by the fact that Hope Clinic for Women gives hope, rest, love, grace, forgiveness, mercy, and healing to women and families every day. We get to be Jesus to a world that so desperately needs Him.
Cassidy Nelson has been on staff for almost a year after starting as an intern with us. She supervises the BRIDGE Program (Building Relationships with Individuals and Directing them towards Gaining Education), the Maternity Home, and is also one of Hope Clinic's counselors. Cassidy and her husband have been married for four years and are expecting their first child early next year.
A little over 3 months ago, however, I administered a pregnancy test that changed my perspective forever. Because this time, I was the client. At first glance, it looked like the test was going to be negative. However, I had to give it 3-5 minutes to process so that I could make an accurate reading! I thought, “5 minutes!!! I can’t wait that long!!!” I was so antsy that I had to just walk away and distract myself with TV while I waited. I walked back into the room where the test strip was sitting on the countertop, and sure enough, two lines. I thought maybe my eyes were playing tricks on me, so I promptly snatched it up and started inspecting it to make sure. Of course, my eyes were not deceiving me. I just stared at the test strip and said, “two lines!” These were the most exciting and frightening words I have ever uttered. I was feeling so many emotions all at once. “I am going to be a mommy!” “I hope I’m a good mommy.” “Are my husband and I ready for this?” “He’s going to be a great dad!” “Is the baby okay?” “I am going to love this baby so much!” “What am I going to do about school and work?” “We will figure it out.” “Are you sure Lord?” “Thank You Lord!”
This experience has allowed me to see my clients in a whole new light. My situation and set of circumstances is not exactly the same as anyone else’s, but on some level, I get it now. I understand the joy, the confusion, the fear, the shock, the stress, and the excitement. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you are going through, an unplanned pregnancy is a shock to the system. I now have even more respect and empathy for the women who walk through our door. More than ever, my goal is to meet them wherever they are at and support them in any way I can. I want to know what those “two lines” mean to them and how it is going to affect their lives. Everyone’s story is different and has its own unique set of difficulties and obstacles.
Fortunately for me, I am very blessed. I have a house, a stable job, health insurance, food on the table, a college education, close friends, supportive family, an amazing church, a loving husband, and a relationship with the Lord. I see clients all of the time who have nothing on that list. Woah! I have all of these blessings and I still get anxious! I cannot imagine going through this experience without these things, like so many of our clients do. My own unplanned pregnancy has really helped me put things in perspective and has given me even more compassion for the women that we serve at Hope Clinic for Women. Our purpose, our mission, and our passion for touching lives and instilling hope means so much more to me than ever before. I am blessed to be a part of this ministry and I am so proud of the work that is done inside these walls (and outside these walls.) Hope Clinic for Women offers the resources, support, love, counsel, and hope that our clients may not receive anywhere else. There is song that says, “There is hope for the hopeless, rest for the weary, love for the broken heart, there is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing, He'll meet you wherever you are. So cry out to Jesus.” I am so blessed and humbled by the fact that Hope Clinic for Women gives hope, rest, love, grace, forgiveness, mercy, and healing to women and families every day. We get to be Jesus to a world that so desperately needs Him.
Cassidy Nelson has been on staff for almost a year after starting as an intern with us. She supervises the BRIDGE Program (Building Relationships with Individuals and Directing them towards Gaining Education), the Maternity Home, and is also one of Hope Clinic's counselors. Cassidy and her husband have been married for four years and are expecting their first child early next year.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Hope Clinic... From a New Employee's Perspective
So… I’m new here. I knew about Hope Clinic for Women before I started working here in April, but didn’t know the depth of services they provided. I have been in awe since I started and am so proud to be a part of this great organization.
Yes, I’m the marketing person here, but this is not a marketing piece I promise. It is my job to market our organization to the community and present it in its best light in every PR opportunity. However, that is not why I’m writing this blog.
I’m writing this blog because I think some of my friends were a little scared when I told them about my new position… I assured them that it wasn’t a political organization and that it was welcoming to anyone and everyone who walked through the doors. I’m sure glad that my experience here is true to that.
WWJD? (What Would Jesus Do?)
I remember these bracelets well and I had one my freshman year at the University of Tennessee. Were they cheesy? Yes, but they were also a great reminder of how to live our lives. When I came to Hope Clinic, I was overwhelmed with the WWJD attitude here. Our clients come from all different walks of life and with all sorts of different thoughts on how they are going to handle their situation. Hope Clinic welcomes them all… no judgment, just love.
I’ve never had an unexpected pregnancy. I’ve never had to face that tough decision. I’ve had to make other tough decisions though and I’ve made some bad decisions over the course of my almost 33 years. Luckily, I have experienced an overwhelming amount of love and grace in my life and I hope that for everyone who faces a bump in the road… that the same love and grace are extended to them in the midst of their crisis or bad decision.
Hope Clinic does that…
You're not alone in your struggle. We are Hope Clinic for Women, and we're here for you. We listen, we understand, and we respect your right to privacy and confidentiality. We offer comfort, support, counseling, plus free or low-cost medical treatment from trained professionals.
Anyone can visit Hope Clinic for Women. You simply have to walk through our door, where hope is waiting.
I sit in staff meetings amazed at the hearts of the staff that work here… amazing people doing extraordinary things with their gifts; from our medical staff, to our counselors, to the fundraising staff, receptionist and CEO… All women (and one man) with amazing hearts for God, who are living out what Jesus would truly do every single day. There is a genuine concern to help women, men and families. There is a genuine goal to raise money for the purpose of providing more services to our clients. It’s an amazing thing to witness and I am humbled by their hearts and their drive… And I am honored to be one of them.
Alison Cooke has been on staff at Hope Clinic for Women since April 2011. She is responsible for events, marketing, PR, websites and social media. After several years of looking for the right fit, she is sure she's found it here at Hope Clinic.
Yes, I’m the marketing person here, but this is not a marketing piece I promise. It is my job to market our organization to the community and present it in its best light in every PR opportunity. However, that is not why I’m writing this blog.
I’m writing this blog because I think some of my friends were a little scared when I told them about my new position… I assured them that it wasn’t a political organization and that it was welcoming to anyone and everyone who walked through the doors. I’m sure glad that my experience here is true to that.
WWJD? (What Would Jesus Do?)
I remember these bracelets well and I had one my freshman year at the University of Tennessee. Were they cheesy? Yes, but they were also a great reminder of how to live our lives. When I came to Hope Clinic, I was overwhelmed with the WWJD attitude here. Our clients come from all different walks of life and with all sorts of different thoughts on how they are going to handle their situation. Hope Clinic welcomes them all… no judgment, just love.
I’ve never had an unexpected pregnancy. I’ve never had to face that tough decision. I’ve had to make other tough decisions though and I’ve made some bad decisions over the course of my almost 33 years. Luckily, I have experienced an overwhelming amount of love and grace in my life and I hope that for everyone who faces a bump in the road… that the same love and grace are extended to them in the midst of their crisis or bad decision.
Hope Clinic does that…
You're not alone in your struggle. We are Hope Clinic for Women, and we're here for you. We listen, we understand, and we respect your right to privacy and confidentiality. We offer comfort, support, counseling, plus free or low-cost medical treatment from trained professionals.
Anyone can visit Hope Clinic for Women. You simply have to walk through our door, where hope is waiting.
I sit in staff meetings amazed at the hearts of the staff that work here… amazing people doing extraordinary things with their gifts; from our medical staff, to our counselors, to the fundraising staff, receptionist and CEO… All women (and one man) with amazing hearts for God, who are living out what Jesus would truly do every single day. There is a genuine concern to help women, men and families. There is a genuine goal to raise money for the purpose of providing more services to our clients. It’s an amazing thing to witness and I am humbled by their hearts and their drive… And I am honored to be one of them.
Alison Cooke has been on staff at Hope Clinic for Women since April 2011. She is responsible for events, marketing, PR, websites and social media. After several years of looking for the right fit, she is sure she's found it here at Hope Clinic.
Friday, July 15, 2011
We all make mistakes, so what then…
In my work every day here at Hope Clinic for Women, I get to see women who are facing mistakes: their own mistakes, mistakes a partner made, mistakes in judgment … the list goes on and on. One thing I’ve seen first-hand, is the power that lies in our reaction to mistakes. It is rarely the mistake that hurts us, as much as it is our reaction to it.
The world is flawed, people betray us, we make mistakes – we hurt; but in all the pain, we carry something beautiful and powerful deep inside us – our ability to choose to focus not on the why, but the how. How do we deal with the situations we find ourselves in? We can choose to love, to heal, to believe and to embrace at those dark moments; and I’ve seen over and over again how transformative and empowering that response is.
By facing the mistake we’ve made, the dream we’ve lost, the fear of never loving again, the pain of betrayal and choosing to find hope, to find a way – we shine brightest. It is ironic in many ways, that in the midst of the worst things we can imagine, we can truly see who we are and that truth sets us ablaze. We don’t need to be afraid of facing ourselves. God knew what He was doing when He created us. Even at our worst, we are beautiful – we are God’s creation.
I try to remind myself and the women I see of this daily. You may feel this darkness is overwhelming, you may feel like a mistake will define your life; but right there in the midst of that darkness, the light is shining, you have only to embrace it. The truth is we are all God’s creations – His children first and foremost – THAT is who God says we are, and what an amazing and beautiful fact this is. The truth is always healing, no matter how dark it may feel. It always comes back to a choice: we get to choose to see what we feel, to see where we are and what we’ve done; or we can choose to see who we are. If knowing the truth sets us free, knowing ourselves and who we really are – loved, unique and deliberate creations of God -- must be one of the most freeing, beautiful experiences in life, especially in the midst of darkness. St Catherine of Siena says it best:
“Be who God meant you to be, and you will set the world on fire.”
Cheryl Seefeldt, Medical Program Director, has been with Hope Clinic for Women for three and a half years. She provides medical care for women prior to, during and after pregnancy through annual exams, STD checking and prenatal care.
The world is flawed, people betray us, we make mistakes – we hurt; but in all the pain, we carry something beautiful and powerful deep inside us – our ability to choose to focus not on the why, but the how. How do we deal with the situations we find ourselves in? We can choose to love, to heal, to believe and to embrace at those dark moments; and I’ve seen over and over again how transformative and empowering that response is.
By facing the mistake we’ve made, the dream we’ve lost, the fear of never loving again, the pain of betrayal and choosing to find hope, to find a way – we shine brightest. It is ironic in many ways, that in the midst of the worst things we can imagine, we can truly see who we are and that truth sets us ablaze. We don’t need to be afraid of facing ourselves. God knew what He was doing when He created us. Even at our worst, we are beautiful – we are God’s creation.
I try to remind myself and the women I see of this daily. You may feel this darkness is overwhelming, you may feel like a mistake will define your life; but right there in the midst of that darkness, the light is shining, you have only to embrace it. The truth is we are all God’s creations – His children first and foremost – THAT is who God says we are, and what an amazing and beautiful fact this is. The truth is always healing, no matter how dark it may feel. It always comes back to a choice: we get to choose to see what we feel, to see where we are and what we’ve done; or we can choose to see who we are. If knowing the truth sets us free, knowing ourselves and who we really are – loved, unique and deliberate creations of God -- must be one of the most freeing, beautiful experiences in life, especially in the midst of darkness. St Catherine of Siena says it best:
“Be who God meant you to be, and you will set the world on fire.”
Cheryl Seefeldt, Medical Program Director, has been with Hope Clinic for Women for three and a half years. She provides medical care for women prior to, during and after pregnancy through annual exams, STD checking and prenatal care.
Friday, July 1, 2011
When Did Adoption Become a Four Letter Word?
At Hope Clinic for Women we are about choices. We make sure that every client that enters our door knows that she has choices -that even in crisis, taking the time to carefully consider those choices always allows for the best decision. I don't know about you, but waiting until my hair is on fire usually is not the best time to consider making a salon appointment.
We make no apologies here that we believe choosing life is the best choice - whether the young woman decides to parent the child herself or makes the incredibly selfless choice to place the baby for adoption. We share referrals to wonderful groups that can help the client with the difficult, but beautiful task of finding adoptive parents- a loving couple that are in most cases desperately seeking a child to love. And in the cases where they choose not to continue the pregnancy, we stand by ready to offer post-abortion counseling – seeking always to empower women to move to a place of health.
So why are more young women in unplanned pregnancies, not choosing adoption (less than 10%)? I did a little research, and the US Dept of HHS says they are not really sure. I have some theories - strictly of the layman variety. Research shows that the Millennial Generation is very family oriented and wish to have children - even if NOW is not when they planned it. Deciding to step up and parent makes sense to them. At the same time, our culture is currently glamorizing the teen mom with reality shows that - while they do point out the struggles - do it with $$ and celebrity. Watching a couple of those episodes, it is no wonder that most young women believe they could do at least as good a job, if not better, than most shown.
I am in awe of the young women that choose to parent. It is a difficult decision and means that they must work hard to make new plans, create new dreams and focus their life on someone else. I know being a mom is one of the hardest, yet most rewarding jobs that there is, and I completely support their selfless choice. I still wonder - how could we better support them if adoption might be a great choice in a particular situation?
Let us know what you think.
Beverly Rogers, Director of Community Relations, has been with Hope Clinic for Women for over a year and is charged with strengthening and building business relationships both with donors and the medical community and to raise awareness of the services available at HCFW, as well as the needs we have. She oversees 4 major annual fund raising events as well as church giving.
We make no apologies here that we believe choosing life is the best choice - whether the young woman decides to parent the child herself or makes the incredibly selfless choice to place the baby for adoption. We share referrals to wonderful groups that can help the client with the difficult, but beautiful task of finding adoptive parents- a loving couple that are in most cases desperately seeking a child to love. And in the cases where they choose not to continue the pregnancy, we stand by ready to offer post-abortion counseling – seeking always to empower women to move to a place of health.
So why are more young women in unplanned pregnancies, not choosing adoption (less than 10%)? I did a little research, and the US Dept of HHS says they are not really sure. I have some theories - strictly of the layman variety. Research shows that the Millennial Generation is very family oriented and wish to have children - even if NOW is not when they planned it. Deciding to step up and parent makes sense to them. At the same time, our culture is currently glamorizing the teen mom with reality shows that - while they do point out the struggles - do it with $$ and celebrity. Watching a couple of those episodes, it is no wonder that most young women believe they could do at least as good a job, if not better, than most shown.
I am in awe of the young women that choose to parent. It is a difficult decision and means that they must work hard to make new plans, create new dreams and focus their life on someone else. I know being a mom is one of the hardest, yet most rewarding jobs that there is, and I completely support their selfless choice. I still wonder - how could we better support them if adoption might be a great choice in a particular situation?
Let us know what you think.
Beverly Rogers, Director of Community Relations, has been with Hope Clinic for Women for over a year and is charged with strengthening and building business relationships both with donors and the medical community and to raise awareness of the services available at HCFW, as well as the needs we have. She oversees 4 major annual fund raising events as well as church giving.
Friday, June 24, 2011
What are the Father's Rights?
Are we helping the Fathers or making it harder for them?
I have wanted to write this blog for a couple of weeks but frankly chickened out because I know this is a controversial topic. It started when I read on Yahoo about the man in Arizona who put up a billboard of himself holding an outline of a 2 month old and it said something like: “This is how old my baby would be if my ex-girlfriend did not abort my child”.
OK, first. Do I think the billboard is tacky and hurtful?... You bet!
But it raises an issue I have come to think about more and more as I work at Hope Clinic…
What are the father’s rights?
It is really hard for us to say more men need to ‘stand up and be a proper dad’ or force them to pay child support when they have no rights to the child prior to the birth. Most abortions occur when there is already a heartbeat. You can debate whether or not it is a viable life.
You can also debate whether you think ‘because the fetus is in her body, it is in fact ‘her body- her choice’.
I don’t know... I guess this all is just not sitting well with me as we are trying to get more and more men into Hope Clinic to be part of the decision. How can we want him to take part of the responsibility and part of the parenting if we only want him to have rights AFTER the woman has already done the deciding for the both of them? I know I know. Hear me out first.
I was flipping the channels and saw on both Sex and the City and another show (the name escaping me right now) about whether or not a girl even has to tell her boyfriend (or the guy she had sex with) if she is pregnant. The women were split in their opinions, but the men in the show were all of the belief they deserved to know and be a part of the decision. They were mostly frustrated that it is possible that they wouldn’t be told something so important. It may not be a life to her, but it may be to him. She may not want to raise the child but he may want to. I know we could say then he should get to vote ‘for abortion’….I guess, I wish that in a split decision we would err on the side of life. Couldn’t she go through with the pregnancy and terminate her rights if he wanted the child?
Again, I am not saying there is a simple answer… There’s not. I know fear and shame and confusion cause women to make this decision; sometimes without the guy’s knowledge. I am not condemning them. I am just sad about it. I am sad for her that she felt like she couldn’t tell him. Sad for him that he never knew and never had a voice for what may have also been his only child too. I’m just raising the question…
But I am also thankful that at Hope Clinic we are creating an environment that does allow for open, honest, yet hard discussions between the girl AND the father of the baby. We provide one on one and couples counseling for both of them. No matter what they decide, we want them BOTH to know they are not alone and that we can help them. That’s why our tagline reads: “A Safe Place for Tough Choices”.
I have wanted to write this blog for a couple of weeks but frankly chickened out because I know this is a controversial topic. It started when I read on Yahoo about the man in Arizona who put up a billboard of himself holding an outline of a 2 month old and it said something like: “This is how old my baby would be if my ex-girlfriend did not abort my child”.
OK, first. Do I think the billboard is tacky and hurtful?... You bet!
But it raises an issue I have come to think about more and more as I work at Hope Clinic…
What are the father’s rights?
It is really hard for us to say more men need to ‘stand up and be a proper dad’ or force them to pay child support when they have no rights to the child prior to the birth. Most abortions occur when there is already a heartbeat. You can debate whether or not it is a viable life.
You can also debate whether you think ‘because the fetus is in her body, it is in fact ‘her body- her choice’.
I don’t know... I guess this all is just not sitting well with me as we are trying to get more and more men into Hope Clinic to be part of the decision. How can we want him to take part of the responsibility and part of the parenting if we only want him to have rights AFTER the woman has already done the deciding for the both of them? I know I know. Hear me out first.
I was flipping the channels and saw on both Sex and the City and another show (the name escaping me right now) about whether or not a girl even has to tell her boyfriend (or the guy she had sex with) if she is pregnant. The women were split in their opinions, but the men in the show were all of the belief they deserved to know and be a part of the decision. They were mostly frustrated that it is possible that they wouldn’t be told something so important. It may not be a life to her, but it may be to him. She may not want to raise the child but he may want to. I know we could say then he should get to vote ‘for abortion’….I guess, I wish that in a split decision we would err on the side of life. Couldn’t she go through with the pregnancy and terminate her rights if he wanted the child?
Again, I am not saying there is a simple answer… There’s not. I know fear and shame and confusion cause women to make this decision; sometimes without the guy’s knowledge. I am not condemning them. I am just sad about it. I am sad for her that she felt like she couldn’t tell him. Sad for him that he never knew and never had a voice for what may have also been his only child too. I’m just raising the question…
But I am also thankful that at Hope Clinic we are creating an environment that does allow for open, honest, yet hard discussions between the girl AND the father of the baby. We provide one on one and couples counseling for both of them. No matter what they decide, we want them BOTH to know they are not alone and that we can help them. That’s why our tagline reads: “A Safe Place for Tough Choices”.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Give them Love AND Justice?!?
Give them Love AND Justice?!
Earl Burns
When I was a kid, the biggest perk to living in a new middle-lower class neighborhood was the fact that it was developed smack dab in the middle of hilly Tennessee farmland with nothing around us really but woods to explore, rusty barbed-wire fences to cross, and old barns to get in to trouble in!
Most of us can remember at least one time in particular where we got in trouble for doing something we shouldn’t have been doing (I won’t be sharing all of mine). For some reason, I seem to remember a lot of those, but one particular memory seems to stick out…
Our neighbor across the street had a 1962 Chevy Pickup that had no doubt been rescued from some friend’s front yard (with cinder blocks in place of rubber tires if you catch my drift). Every Saturday our neighbor would get up at the crack of dawn to work on that truck. I remember several times the engine catching on fire in the process! Aside from replacing the cinder blocks with real Goodyear white-walls, the one thing he did seem to get right was the paint job. That truck was his pride and joy!
One Saturday afternoon (age 10), while testing the strength of a used bow I bought from a friend, I decided it would be great to see how deep I could get the returning arrow to sink into the dirt after shooting it straight up. Having a brother who was a great spotter helped with my intentions of having a perfect trajectory, but (as we all miss details from time to time), I did NOT account for wind-sheer! For the few seconds of flight while we stood in our back yard, I actually thought this was going to be the perfect shot until a loud THUD came from across the street. The thud was a result of a solid steel arrow-head piercing the nice shiny hood of that black ’62 Chevy!
My dad was NOT happy, but not quite as unhappy as the neighbor seemed! After running from my neighbor’s house to avoid apparent bodily injury, I was soon confronted by my Dad. I knew I was in trouble! As much as I hated having to tell my dad about something I did that was wrong, the part I always looked forward to was getting it over with. My dad told me I would have to go apologize (and retrieve the arrow still lodged in the hood) and then offer to pay for the repairs.
What I remember most is turning around to face my house after apologizing to my neighbor and seeing the curtain in our picture window jump back into place from where my Dad had been peeking to check on me. When I got home, he hugged me and then explained to me, as he always did, how important it was to take responsibility for the things we do that are wrong and then to do what we can to make them right. I will never forget that lesson, partly because of the content, but mostly because of the consistency with which he taught me… and still does to this day! What drove that point home is that I saw him do the same thing when he was faced with difficult scenarios and was called to account for his own mistakes and shortcomings.
We all, at our deepest core, know that making choices that are unwise in nature require some sort of justice. For example; a company charges us for something they did not do, we expect to get a credit on the invoice and if it happens consistently, we may even resort to reported them to the Federal Trade Commission or the Better Business Bureau. We do the same thing with our children.
Now that I am a father, and have been for over 10 years now, I have learned how important it is to teach my son to take responsibility for his actions when he does something wrong by not only using my words, but also my actions. Tacked onto this concept however is the importance of combining that discipline with LOVE! I have to work at this DAILY and fail regularly!!
We, as humans, seem to have this innate ability to default to one extreme or the other. We are either ALL JUSTICE, or ALL LOVE. It is difficult for us, in our finite minds, to comprehend the importance of being BOTH. Without love, justice becomes nothing more than punishment without rehabilitation, and the negative behavior will continue. Without justice, love is cheapened and becomes a response that is interpreted by the child as “I guess they don’t really care” – and so the behavior continues without any change.
The best way for us to instill a solid, life-changing motivation in the hearts of our children is to help them understand the need for justice, while proclaiming to them that we love them. This balance must be maintained and does not, unfortunately, exist without regular repair and enforcement.
The BIGGEST hurdle for parents that I mentor today is their struggle, or unwillingness, to grasp the importance of helping their children to recognize the JUSTICE required as a result of unwise choices, while proclaiming their unchanged LOVE for their child. Too often, as parents, we stop after discussing the consequences! Consequences are unavoidable and natural and do not always have to be explained, but unconditional LOVE is something that is rare to stumble on these days… and you can’t take that chance with your kids! TELL THEM THAT YOU LOVE THEM AND THAT YOUR LOVE FOR THEM WILL NEVER GO AWAY – despite unwise choices.
It may not be an arrow accidentally shot into the hood of your neighbor’s favorite past-time, but either way, your kids should know that you disagree with a particular behavior and why, and then, in the same breath, they should be told that your LOVE for them will never change as a result of negative behavior! How would you be different today if you had experienced this in your childhood?
This Father’s Day weekend share with us an example of how your father, or you as a father, have demonstrated justice with love. Happy Father’s Day Dads!!!
Earl Burns has over 20 years of mentoring experience to teens and individuals and oversees our programs that cater specifically to the male partners and parents of Hope Clinic’s clients. He started as a volunteer at Hope Clinic and now also leads the prevention program as well as manages relationships with our other Agency partners. You can email Earl at: eburns@hopeclinicforwomen.org
Earl Burns
When I was a kid, the biggest perk to living in a new middle-lower class neighborhood was the fact that it was developed smack dab in the middle of hilly Tennessee farmland with nothing around us really but woods to explore, rusty barbed-wire fences to cross, and old barns to get in to trouble in!
Most of us can remember at least one time in particular where we got in trouble for doing something we shouldn’t have been doing (I won’t be sharing all of mine). For some reason, I seem to remember a lot of those, but one particular memory seems to stick out…
Our neighbor across the street had a 1962 Chevy Pickup that had no doubt been rescued from some friend’s front yard (with cinder blocks in place of rubber tires if you catch my drift). Every Saturday our neighbor would get up at the crack of dawn to work on that truck. I remember several times the engine catching on fire in the process! Aside from replacing the cinder blocks with real Goodyear white-walls, the one thing he did seem to get right was the paint job. That truck was his pride and joy!
One Saturday afternoon (age 10), while testing the strength of a used bow I bought from a friend, I decided it would be great to see how deep I could get the returning arrow to sink into the dirt after shooting it straight up. Having a brother who was a great spotter helped with my intentions of having a perfect trajectory, but (as we all miss details from time to time), I did NOT account for wind-sheer! For the few seconds of flight while we stood in our back yard, I actually thought this was going to be the perfect shot until a loud THUD came from across the street. The thud was a result of a solid steel arrow-head piercing the nice shiny hood of that black ’62 Chevy!
My dad was NOT happy, but not quite as unhappy as the neighbor seemed! After running from my neighbor’s house to avoid apparent bodily injury, I was soon confronted by my Dad. I knew I was in trouble! As much as I hated having to tell my dad about something I did that was wrong, the part I always looked forward to was getting it over with. My dad told me I would have to go apologize (and retrieve the arrow still lodged in the hood) and then offer to pay for the repairs.
What I remember most is turning around to face my house after apologizing to my neighbor and seeing the curtain in our picture window jump back into place from where my Dad had been peeking to check on me. When I got home, he hugged me and then explained to me, as he always did, how important it was to take responsibility for the things we do that are wrong and then to do what we can to make them right. I will never forget that lesson, partly because of the content, but mostly because of the consistency with which he taught me… and still does to this day! What drove that point home is that I saw him do the same thing when he was faced with difficult scenarios and was called to account for his own mistakes and shortcomings.
We all, at our deepest core, know that making choices that are unwise in nature require some sort of justice. For example; a company charges us for something they did not do, we expect to get a credit on the invoice and if it happens consistently, we may even resort to reported them to the Federal Trade Commission or the Better Business Bureau. We do the same thing with our children.
Now that I am a father, and have been for over 10 years now, I have learned how important it is to teach my son to take responsibility for his actions when he does something wrong by not only using my words, but also my actions. Tacked onto this concept however is the importance of combining that discipline with LOVE! I have to work at this DAILY and fail regularly!!
We, as humans, seem to have this innate ability to default to one extreme or the other. We are either ALL JUSTICE, or ALL LOVE. It is difficult for us, in our finite minds, to comprehend the importance of being BOTH. Without love, justice becomes nothing more than punishment without rehabilitation, and the negative behavior will continue. Without justice, love is cheapened and becomes a response that is interpreted by the child as “I guess they don’t really care” – and so the behavior continues without any change.
The best way for us to instill a solid, life-changing motivation in the hearts of our children is to help them understand the need for justice, while proclaiming to them that we love them. This balance must be maintained and does not, unfortunately, exist without regular repair and enforcement.
The BIGGEST hurdle for parents that I mentor today is their struggle, or unwillingness, to grasp the importance of helping their children to recognize the JUSTICE required as a result of unwise choices, while proclaiming their unchanged LOVE for their child. Too often, as parents, we stop after discussing the consequences! Consequences are unavoidable and natural and do not always have to be explained, but unconditional LOVE is something that is rare to stumble on these days… and you can’t take that chance with your kids! TELL THEM THAT YOU LOVE THEM AND THAT YOUR LOVE FOR THEM WILL NEVER GO AWAY – despite unwise choices.
It may not be an arrow accidentally shot into the hood of your neighbor’s favorite past-time, but either way, your kids should know that you disagree with a particular behavior and why, and then, in the same breath, they should be told that your LOVE for them will never change as a result of negative behavior! How would you be different today if you had experienced this in your childhood?
This Father’s Day weekend share with us an example of how your father, or you as a father, have demonstrated justice with love. Happy Father’s Day Dads!!!
Earl Burns has over 20 years of mentoring experience to teens and individuals and oversees our programs that cater specifically to the male partners and parents of Hope Clinic’s clients. He started as a volunteer at Hope Clinic and now also leads the prevention program as well as manages relationships with our other Agency partners. You can email Earl at: eburns@hopeclinicforwomen.org
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