Hope Clinic for Women's Blog

We Are Flexible Creatures

2012-01-20T10:38:00.001-06:00

I get the privilege of watching people walk through a crisis. I see them at the beginning of the journey: in a state of panic, wondering how they will face this hurdle – be it a pregnancy, an unexpected diagnosis or a miscarriage. I see them a few weeks later, most often a little calmer – with the dazed look gone from their eyes. Then I see them months to years later, with a baby or a little child walking behind them – or a new boyfriend out in the waiting room. I get the privilege of seeing the change unfold in their lives and it’s taught me something immensely valuable personally: I am stronger than I think that I am. We all dread big crisis or change in our lives because we believe we can’t handle it. We think it will just be too painful. We think it will be entirely too much, overwhelming us – making us lose ourselves. But the real truth is that we can handle much more than we think we can, and if we truly believed this we would not live in fear, in our safe little boxes.

We are flexible creatures, I think God did know what he was doing when he created us – He created us to withstand a lot and to be able to thrive even in the most unlikely circumstances. Yes, we have a fragile side, but we also have a deep, profound, inexhaustible source of strength in our Creator.

If we can still our hearts and minds long enough at the onset of a crisis, opening our minds to the fact that there might be a way through this seemingly insurmountable obstacle, God can give us a new heart and a new mind. He can show us that he is not bound by our conflicts, by our rules. The gravity that holds us down, and makes this obstacle in front of us seem so immense and impossible to overcome – that gravity doesn’t even apply to Him. If he can create and sustain an entire universe, He can surely see things that I do not, and can find a way where there seems to be only chaos. If this same Creator is in me and has promised to sustain me, I am much stronger than I can possibly imagine.

Cheryl Seefeldt, Medical Program Director, has been with Hope Clinic for Women for three and a half years. She provides medical care for women prior to, during and after pregnancy through annual exams, STD checking and prenatal care.

Reaction to the story of Elaine Riddick

2011-11-11T13:49:00.002-06:00

In the midst of all the other news-worthy stories this week, the story of Elaine Riddick has fascinated, horrified, and inspired me. She was featured in a story on the news program Rock Center this week as they covered the sterilization of young men and women by the government run eugenics programs of the 1920’s-1970’s in many states. I was first horrified because I was unaware that these programs had existed in our country, and then more horrified that so many young women like Elaine Riddick had suffered such an invasive and unjust procedure.

All I could think through all of my fascination with this story was: what if they had helped these “at risk” individuals and equipped them instead of taking away their ability to parent? I have seen the answer to that question in my work at The Hope Clinic for Women. Here at Hope Clinic, we daily equip women facing unplanned pregnancies and those who support her through free medical, emotional, psychological, spiritual and practical assistance. By accessing our services, women are able to find the strength and help that they need to make healthy choices and become confident and capable parents. We also offer support to the partners and families of these women so that they can have a strong and healthy support system as well.

I am so thankful that we not only no longer allow sterilization of “at risk” individuals, but also that there is a program here in the Nashville area that specifically reaches out to those facing difficult choices and holistically helps them to overcome their obstacles. I am grateful that I have the privilege of being a part of these women’s lives and the mission of the Hope Clinic for Women as we offer a safe and confidential place for anyone dealing with life choices regarding past, present, and future pregnancies.

See more on this story at the following link:http://rockcenter.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/11/07/8640744-victims-speak-out-about-north-carolina-sterilization-program-which-targeted-women-young-girls-and-blacks

Amy Moseley, M.A. is the Client Programs Manager at Hope Clinic for Women. She is passionate about working with individuals in crisis. In addition to 12 years of ministry experience, she has worked with sexual abuse victims and individuals in the foster care system. Amy leads the prevention and outreach programs and works with individual clients as well as the counselors who serve them. You can email Amy at amoseley@hopeclinicforwomen.org

I Heart Amy Grant

2011-11-04T14:58:00.005-05:00

I grew up as an Amy Grant fan… I wanted to be her when I grew up. Unfortunately, God didn’t have the same idea I had and did not bless me with a singing voice. My family and friends assure me that this is not in God’s plan for my life when they laugh at me for singing along to my favorite songs in the car. Okay, so I’m not going to bust out the next “Baby, Baby” or “Tennessee Christmas”… I get it. I can’t sing. However, I still want to be Amy Grant when I grow up.

Since meeting Amy and getting to know her as a person, I now want to be Amy Grant when I grow up more than ever. I may not be blessed with the ability to sing, but what I’ve realized is that there is so much more to Amy Grant than her success in the music industry.

Amy and Vince were awarded the Joe Kraft Humanitarian Award by The Community Foundation this week and I can’t think of two people that deserve it more. I have been involved in several different nonprofits in my career and the constant in all of them is that Amy Grant seems to support each one in some way. Her heart for people is bigger than any success she has had.

At Hope Clinic for Women, we are so grateful for her support. She and her family have been supporters from the very beginning and helped open our doors to women in crisis. Since opening our doors almost 29 years ago, we have evolved quite a bit. We have expanded and added new services that help meet clients’ needs. These changes would not be possible without the support of people like Amy Grant.

We’re so excited that she has chosen to partner with us at the beginning of our 30th year serving the Nashville community. Amy will be the key note speaker at our 2012 Hope for the Future Gala and we know her talk will be uplifting and inspiring. We’re so proud that she has chosen to support us in our journey as an organization.

Amy has made an impact not only on Hope Clinic, but on our community as a whole and she inspires me to do the same… That’s why I still want to be Amy Grant when I grow up.

Alison Cooke has been on staff at Hope Clinic for Women since April 2011. She is responsible for events, marketing, PR, websites and social media.

Remembering Dr. Cortez A. Cooper

2011-11-01T11:07:00.002-05:00

Hope Clinic for Women lost a friend last week with the death of Dr. Cortez A. Cooper. One of our founders, he shepherded First Presbyterian Church through a dynamic revival in the 1970s and was the first pastor to lead Christ Presbyterian Church. Although it seems as though he was preaching from a local pulpit just yesterday, he left Nashville in 1985 and subsequently headed congregations in California, Alabama, and Virginia. He was absolutely devoted to Jesus Christ and His Gospel and fused deep convictions with a strong intellectual grasp of Scripture. He was unwavering in his belief in God and His Word. He was prepared to make great personal sacrifices for both.

Most of my memories of Dr. Cooper stem from grammar school days at Oak Hill School and the early years of Christ Presbyterian Church. I recall him as forthright and energetic but never unapproachable or above patting a young man on the head and offering a word of encouragement. He shot straight and delivered sermons that are as moving and profound today as they were thirty years ago.

I last saw Dr. Cooper a few years back at an anniversary service at Christ Presbyterian. I approached him to re-introduce my adult self, saying, “You probably do not remember me.” Before I could finish my sentence, he called me by name, heartily greeting me as an old friend. Amazed at the memory of someone who had doubtlessly counseled thousands, I was also struck by how little his beaming countenance had changed in twenty plus years.

Regardless of how successful he is, I suppose a tough point to being a pastor is wondering if one’s witness is having the desired effect on a congregation. I can recall a young boy, who at a particularly pivotal time in his life, found solace and strength in the Gospel preached by Dr. Cooper. Whether they know it or not, countless people who have walked through Hope Clinic’s doors can say the same.

Jim Gardner
Hope Clinic for Women
Vice Board Chair

The Beauty in Pain

2011-10-21T13:47:00.001-05:00

Through the relatively short time that I have lived on this earth, there are few things that have impacted me as deeply as pain. We have all experienced it before, and we must all draw our next breath knowing that we will be forced to experience it once again.

On October 5th of this year, I experienced a sorrow that I have never had to experience before; the unexpected death of a child. Although this young boy was not my own, the glimpse of pain I experienced in my physical relation to him and his parents clearly reminded me how intensely the experience of pain can change us. Pain changes everything. In this situation, it is clear that the reality of the pain that we have experienced will dictate how we will live the rest of our lives.

Where is the beauty in this pain? Where is the beauty in knowing that this child will never be physically held again on this earth? Where is the beauty in feeling the deep cut to heart when we understand that we will never be able to see his first day of High School, let alone his first day of kindergarten?

The beauty partially comes in knowing that his memory will never be lost, in knowing that he will never have to experience pain again, and that the love that was shown to him will remain timelessly deep and uninhibited.

But pain can produce something else in us that, without the experience of it, we can never hope to develop; thankfulness. To experience death and pain is to admit that there is something bigger than us and that there are things we can’t control. To be thankful is to admit the very same truth. The great news is that, if we let it, the pain we experience can lead to a level of thankfulness that we cannot unlock without the key that is PAIN.

Thankfulness is a matter of perspective. Perspective is aligned when we experience and progress through pain. True thankfulness should be viewed in light of the pain we experience. Many times our perspective is refined and aligned even further by the pain others experience. Think for just a moment on something you are thankful for. Now ask yourself; would you feel the level of thankfulness that you do if you had not experienced either first or second hand the pain that may come in having to do without that blessing?

Pain, including the reality of potential loss can work beautiful things in us. To push either of these things away completely will short-circuit the blessing we receive from experiencing that pain. And we are not the only ones affected. The denial of the pain we feel in any circumstance does not lead us closer to happiness, it draws us further away from the truth. To deny the painful feelings we experience is to deny the very hand of God who seeks to focus our attention on the many blessings He gives us! And I’m not sure there are many that would argue that happiness comes from denying the reality of the blessings we have been given in this life!

Thankfulness comes when we embrace, not fight against, the reality that the things that happen in this world are mostly outside of our control. To be thankful is to embrace that you have been blessed with things that you could not produce on your own.

My encouragement to you is this; as we enter the season that many of us equate with remembering the blessings we have been given, let us also remember that there are those less fortunate that we are in this world. There are people experiencing pain in ways that we have not, and hope to never experience. Embrace people in painful circumstances as often as you can, with the hope that in so doing, YOU will be made more thankful. And do what you can to help them remember this; it is not the band-aid that you place on the wound that bring thankfulness, it is the love that is shown them as they experience it. Remember how blessed you are, especially in this season, and then cause that thankfulness to grow by choosing to be a blessing to others!

Earl Burns has over 20 years of mentoring experience to teens and individuals and oversees our programs that cater specifically to the male partners and parents of Hope Clinic’s clients. He started as a volunteer at Hope Clinic and now also leads the prevention program as well as manages relationships with our other Agency partners. You can email Earl at: eburns@hopeclinicforwomen.org

More Young Adults Having Unsafe Sex

2011-10-21T10:05:00.000-05:00

That is what a global study that was recently released says: http://news.yahoo.com/more-youngsters-having-unsafe-sex-global-study-231442651.html. They say unsafe sex is up 39% for Americans alone. My main problems with this article are: 1) they define ‘unsafe’ as getting pregnant or getting an std. 2) they look to Planned Parenthood as the sole voice of reason on why this is happening.

What is ‘unsafe sex’?

Yes, unplanned pregnancies and stds are the most obvious of side effects. Yes, but what about what it does to someone’s self-esteem, body image, sense of value, or moral/spiritual conflict? As an adult woman who knows her own story and the stories of hundreds of young women shared with me, I can assure you that these ‘other issues’ are just as traumatic to deal with and have just as lifelong a consequence. So let’s at least open up and discuss all the ways it is unsafe for a young couple when they have sex.

Why are they having ‘unprotected sex’?

I get it. There are many, many young adults that do not know the truth about or how to prevent an unplanned pregnancy or an std. We all have a responsibility to share the truths about birth control pills, condoms, etc. so that young people are very aware of what they do protect you from; but most importantly what they don’t protect you from. I talk to plenty of young adults who still think a condom provides 100% protection from a pregnancy or std. We know that is simply not true, but when you run print and TV ads that say: teenage pregnancy is 100% preventable and and link directly to a site that only talks about condoms, you are lying. Flat out lying. And while this pertains more to women (but men are not excluded), there is no protection of the heart and mind and moral compass when engaging in sex. You are simply in the deep end of the pool. There is no perfect safety net.

What do we do?

I wish it were just simply a matter of educating about condoms or pills or handing them out, but that doesn’t help young adults act like adults when engaging in sex. We have many clients who knew about condoms and had access to them, but still chose to not use them (I even see med students walk in here for our services). We cannot blame risky behavior solely on ignorance. Young adults (actually let me correct that…’people’) choose to ignore or have a hard time letting education change moral behavior. If that were the case we wouldn’t be checking for fake IDs at a bar, pulling over drunk drivers, cleaning up car accidents from those who were texting/talking on the cell while driving, or selling any more cigarettes. No it takes a whole lot more than educating about the risks or appealing to the fears in people. For true behavior to change, we need to also focus on the benefits of good choices; alternative ways to deal with desires (all desires) and creating more avenues for ongoing accountability. So the next time this topic comes up, I hope they do more than ask the opinions of Planned Parenthood.

Renee Rizzo is President and CEO of Hope Clinic for Women. She feels passionate about helping all people; especially women who have been hurt or broken, realize there IS hope, and that God has a purpose for each one of us.

Run for Life 2011

2011-10-10T14:13:00.002-05:00

A big part of what I do at Hope Clinic for Women is organizing events, and I love it. I am a list-making, people-organizing, diagram-drawing nerd. Happiness for me is a clipboard and purpose. At current count we have 5 fundraising events and are toying with adding more. Last Saturday was a biggie. For the 28th or 29th year, our staff organized a Fun For Life event; consisting of both 5k and 1 Mile runs along with a free Family Fun Fest. Over 250 people turned out to run, walk or play in support of the life-saving, life-changing ministry of HOPE. It was a wonderful day of sunshine and fun; and equally as important, critical monies were raised that will allow Hope Clinic for Women to continue to serve.

There are roughly 357 5Ks in Nashville (possible slight exaggeration), most in support of some wonderful cause – curing disease, improving quality of life, saving something worthwhile or some just for sport. Humbling for sure, when you are asking people to choose yours to support over others. Obviously we spent some time really thinking how to promote and recruit not only runners but also fundraisers, and the first question was WHY US?

I believe that our organization is like no other. We serve people in a crisis that often comes with shame, with darkness and secrecy following closely behind. Personally I have wondered if many abortions happen not because a child could not be welcomed, but rather that the truth might just be too hard to tell. We exist to be present in the first days of crisis, to counsel medically and emotionally to bring light back into the situation. To many young women, a member of our staff will be the first person they will have to face with the news of an unplanned pregnancy, we pray for the opportunity to have that visit and take the responsibility of it very seriously. We stand faithfully in the gap for churches and families when the young woman feels unable to turn there first. Not to mention all the other wonderful ways that we serve: like counseling parents and partners, helping after a pregnancy loss, counseling through postpartum depression, and offering prevention programs to youth.

I was happy to share that message with people when I asked them to join us and support our mission, and that was the message that we celebrated Saturday when together we prayed, walked, ran, jumped, ate and played.

Not a bad job, right?

Beverly Rogers, Director of Community Relations, has been with Hope Clinic for Women for over a year and is charged with strengthening and building business relationships both with donors and the medical community and to raise awareness of the services available at HCFW, as well as the needs we have. She oversees 4 major annual fund raising events as well as church giving.

Beginning Miracles

2011-09-23T13:39:00.003-05:00

"There is a miracle in every new beginning" - Herman Hesse

This is the quote I have above my son's crib. A brand new baby entering into the world by divine intervention I definitely call a miracle. I also love this quote because it reminds me of the miracle that happens when people move from bondage to freedom. This is why I chose to become a counselor and especially why I work at Hope Clinic.

Hope Clinic is exactly a new beginning for those in need. It is a safe, loving place to help clients find their new start. Women who hold shame, guilt, anger, or sadness come in and are able to sort through the meaning of these feelings. It is a place to find where your old, shameful self ends and a new freed self begins.

Beginnings are not easy, they can actually be extremely painful. Just as giving birth to a baby is painful, so can repairing a wounded relationship or giving up an unhealthy way to cope. The great thing is that we are here to walk along side of clients through that pain and help them reach the other side of healing. We hope for the miracle of a new beginning.

It is a miracle that God can take what is broken and make it whole. We believe He can piece together something that the world says is not fixable and repair it. This is why Hope Clinic is here and we have not given up hope. We believe in miracles.

Cindi Barrett, M.A. has been at Hope Clinic over 2 years and provides professional counseling and intern supervision. She is also a new mother, helping her relate in a more intimate way to the clients she serves.

Statement from Hope Clinic for Women in Regard to the Recent Tragedy Involving Lindsey Lowe and The Death of Her Twins

2011-09-16T15:41:00.001-05:00

The news of a 25 year old woman concealing a pregnancy, carrying it to term, killing the babies and then concealing their bodies saddens the entire staff and Board of Directors of Hope Clinic for Women. (Click here for the story) Our hearts are broken for the incredible loss … the two newborn twins and the mother whose life will never be the same after this tragic event. Our thoughts and prayers are with all directly and indirectly touched by this event.

So many people are asking why or how this could happen. We may never know the real reasons, but frankly there are no answers that will right this wrong. One can assume for some reason she did not feel like she had a safe place to turn. I wish she would have walked through our doors. She would have heard that she had options. Today she has none and neither do her babies.

While this is a terrible time to talk about our services; it is the perfect time. Hope Clinic for Women exists for this very reason… to help women, men and families in a time of crisis. We are a safe, confidential and nonjudgmental place for women with an unplanned pregnancy to come …for any reason. Our doors are open to anyone and we offer medical services and professional counseling free of charge. We help people process in the midst of the chaos in their mind.

We work tirelessly to ensure everyone in our community knows there is a safe place to deal with such a difficult situation – and they do not have to be alone. We never want someone to go through something so difficult alone. This tragedy only increases our resolve to raise awareness more than ever before. We want to prevent this from happening in our community again. There is a safe place in Nashville to turn when all hope is lost and Hope Clinic for Women is that place.

Renee Rizzo
CEO and President
Hope Clinic for Women

Do We Really Need a Dirty Dancing Remake?

2011-08-30T14:21:00.002-05:00

I must confess I loved Dirty Dancing when I was in college. I was also naïve. Back then I was Baby, the smart girl who never got the HOT Johnny Castle guy. So all I cared about was that this smart/not that hot chick ended up becoming this great dancer AND getting the HOT guy to fall for her. Somehow I managed to ignore the whole part about the ‘back alley’ abortion, and the fact that Baby ends up having sex with the HOT guy she has known for less than 2 weeks. I am pretty sure the version in my head has a part two where after Johnny returns for the final dance, he follows her to college, proposes, they get married and have 2.5 children with a white picket fence, thereby excusing her having sex with him so quickly. Uh yeah. When you are a virgin, this whole thought process seems quite possible. You think that when a guy has sex with you it MUST be because he sees how valuable and incredible you are and that he will never let YOU go because you are SO DIFFERENT than every other girl he has slept with.

So when talk came up recently about the remake of Dirty Dancing, I had mixed opinions along with the rest of the world simply because I didn’t think anyone could replace Jennifer Grey and Patrick Swayze…and since I have been told I look like Jennifer, well someone replacing US seemed …sad. But secretly, I wondered…if it meant promoting the smart girl getting the HOT guy again, I was intrigued. What I didn’t think through was: promoting that all abortions pre-legal were done ‘in a back alley’. The truth is abortions were happening in doctors’ offices back then too. Our clients admit that. Could this really be a way for pro-choice people to push the image yet again what a horrible fate will befall women if abortion is made illegal?

The other thing is that it promotes a smart girl having sex with a HOT guy within two weeks of knowing him, fully knowing that a future with him is unlikely since this is a summer romance. We don’t know if they use birth control, but we do know they have sex. And we do know that all of a sudden Johnny is a changed man. At my age, I have since learned that even the smart pretty girls who have sex with the HOT guy don’t turn them around so easily. Most don’t return for the ‘magical dance’.

I was challenged to think about this and possibly change my perception of this movie based on this article I read it online and felt really convicted. You would think in my line of work, I would have realized the negative influence this movie, wrapped in good music and some skilled dancing, could have to a whole new generation. That another generation of girls would act stupid pretty quickly when said HOT boy gives them some attention. How easily I was sidetracked….how easily could our young people be sidetracked?

http://www.suntimes.com/entertainment/7121017-417/dirty-dancing-remake-will-let-young-girls-down.html

What do you think?

Renee Rizzo is President and CEO of Hope Clinic for Women. She feels passionate about helping all people; especially women who have been hurt or broken, realize there IS hope, and that God has a purpose for each one of us.

"Two Lines"

2011-08-12T14:19:00.001-05:00

“Two lines!” As one of the pregnancy services counselors here at Hope Clinic for Women, I got used to saying (or at least thinking) this little phrase on a regular basis. Nearly every week, I saw pregnancy tests with those two little pink lines, which meant the pregnancy test was positive! After seeing a handful of positive pregnancy test, it was easy to normalize it and not think of the true implications of those words. “Two lines!” I tried to understand my clients, learn more about their circumstances, and support them in the way that they needed- that is what I loved and was trained to do. However, I could never truly know how it felt and what it meant that their test came back positive. I had never experienced the stress, the joy, the excitement, the shock, or the fear that comes with an unplanned pregnancy. Though I tried as hard as I could to understand my clients, I never truly knew what it was like to take a walk in their shoes.

A little over 3 months ago, however, I administered a pregnancy test that changed my perspective forever. Because this time, I was the client. At first glance, it looked like the test was going to be negative. However, I had to give it 3-5 minutes to process so that I could make an accurate reading! I thought, “5 minutes!!! I can’t wait that long!!!” I was so antsy that I had to just walk away and distract myself with TV while I waited. I walked back into the room where the test strip was sitting on the countertop, and sure enough, two lines. I thought maybe my eyes were playing tricks on me, so I promptly snatched it up and started inspecting it to make sure. Of course, my eyes were not deceiving me. I just stared at the test strip and said, “two lines!” These were the most exciting and frightening words I have ever uttered. I was feeling so many emotions all at once. “I am going to be a mommy!” “I hope I’m a good mommy.” “Are my husband and I ready for this?” “He’s going to be a great dad!” “Is the baby okay?” “I am going to love this baby so much!” “What am I going to do about school and work?” “We will figure it out.” “Are you sure Lord?” “Thank You Lord!”

This experience has allowed me to see my clients in a whole new light. My situation and set of circumstances is not exactly the same as anyone else’s, but on some level, I get it now. I understand the joy, the confusion, the fear, the shock, the stress, and the excitement. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you are going through, an unplanned pregnancy is a shock to the system. I now have even more respect and empathy for the women who walk through our door. More than ever, my goal is to meet them wherever they are at and support them in any way I can. I want to know what those “two lines” mean to them and how it is going to affect their lives. Everyone’s story is different and has its own unique set of difficulties and obstacles.

Fortunately for me, I am very blessed. I have a house, a stable job, health insurance, food on the table, a college education, close friends, supportive family, an amazing church, a loving husband, and a relationship with the Lord. I see clients all of the time who have nothing on that list. Woah! I have all of these blessings and I still get anxious! I cannot imagine going through this experience without these things, like so many of our clients do. My own unplanned pregnancy has really helped me put things in perspective and has given me even more compassion for the women that we serve at Hope Clinic for Women. Our purpose, our mission, and our passion for touching lives and instilling hope means so much more to me than ever before. I am blessed to be a part of this ministry and I am so proud of the work that is done inside these walls (and outside these walls.) Hope Clinic for Women offers the resources, support, love, counsel, and hope that our clients may not receive anywhere else. There is song that says, “There is hope for the hopeless, rest for the weary, love for the broken heart, there is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing, He'll meet you wherever you are. So cry out to Jesus.” I am so blessed and humbled by the fact that Hope Clinic for Women gives hope, rest, love, grace, forgiveness, mercy, and healing to women and families every day. We get to be Jesus to a world that so desperately needs Him.

Cassidy Nelson has been on staff for almost a year after starting as an intern with us. She supervises the BRIDGE Program (Building Relationships with Individuals and Directing them towards Gaining Education), the Maternity Home, and is also one of Hope Clinic's counselors. Cassidy and her husband have been married for four years and are expecting their first child early next year.

Hope Clinic... From a New Employee's Perspective

2011-07-29T14:46:00.005-05:00

So… I’m new here. I knew about Hope Clinic for Women before I started working here in April, but didn’t know the depth of services they provided. I have been in awe since I started and am so proud to be a part of this great organization.

Yes, I’m the marketing person here, but this is not a marketing piece I promise. It is my job to market our organization to the community and present it in its best light in every PR opportunity. However, that is not why I’m writing this blog.

I’m writing this blog because I think some of my friends were a little scared when I told them about my new position… I assured them that it wasn’t a political organization and that it was welcoming to anyone and everyone who walked through the doors. I’m sure glad that my experience here is true to that.

WWJD? (What Would Jesus Do?)

I remember these bracelets well and I had one my freshman year at the University of Tennessee. Were they cheesy? Yes, but they were also a great reminder of how to live our lives. When I came to Hope Clinic, I was overwhelmed with the WWJD attitude here. Our clients come from all different walks of life and with all sorts of different thoughts on how they are going to handle their situation. Hope Clinic welcomes them all… no judgment, just love.

I’ve never had an unexpected pregnancy. I’ve never had to face that tough decision. I’ve had to make other tough decisions though and I’ve made some bad decisions over the course of my almost 33 years. Luckily, I have experienced an overwhelming amount of love and grace in my life and I hope that for everyone who faces a bump in the road… that the same love and grace are extended to them in the midst of their crisis or bad decision.

Hope Clinic does that…

You're not alone in your struggle. We are Hope Clinic for Women, and we're here for you. We listen, we understand, and we respect your right to privacy and confidentiality. We offer comfort, support, counseling, plus free or low-cost medical treatment from trained professionals.
Anyone can visit Hope Clinic for Women. You simply have to walk through our door, where hope is waiting.

I sit in staff meetings amazed at the hearts of the staff that work here… amazing people doing extraordinary things with their gifts; from our medical staff, to our counselors, to the fundraising staff, receptionist and CEO… All women (and one man) with amazing hearts for God, who are living out what Jesus would truly do every single day. There is a genuine concern to help women, men and families. There is a genuine goal to raise money for the purpose of providing more services to our clients. It’s an amazing thing to witness and I am humbled by their hearts and their drive… And I am honored to be one of them.

Alison Cooke has been on staff at Hope Clinic for Women since April 2011. She is responsible for events, marketing, PR, websites and social media. After several years of looking for the right fit, she is sure she's found it here at Hope Clinic.

We all make mistakes, so what then…

2011-07-15T15:15:00.000-05:00

In my work every day here at Hope Clinic for Women, I get to see women who are facing mistakes: their own mistakes, mistakes a partner made, mistakes in judgment … the list goes on and on. One thing I’ve seen first-hand, is the power that lies in our reaction to mistakes. It is rarely the mistake that hurts us, as much as it is our reaction to it.

The world is flawed, people betray us, we make mistakes – we hurt; but in all the pain, we carry something beautiful and powerful deep inside us – our ability to choose to focus not on the why, but the how. How do we deal with the situations we find ourselves in? We can choose to love, to heal, to believe and to embrace at those dark moments; and I’ve seen over and over again how transformative and empowering that response is.

By facing the mistake we’ve made, the dream we’ve lost, the fear of never loving again, the pain of betrayal and choosing to find hope, to find a way – we shine brightest. It is ironic in many ways, that in the midst of the worst things we can imagine, we can truly see who we are and that truth sets us ablaze. We don’t need to be afraid of facing ourselves. God knew what He was doing when He created us. Even at our worst, we are beautiful – we are God’s creation.

I try to remind myself and the women I see of this daily. You may feel this darkness is overwhelming, you may feel like a mistake will define your life; but right there in the midst of that darkness, the light is shining, you have only to embrace it. The truth is we are all God’s creations – His children first and foremost – THAT is who God says we are, and what an amazing and beautiful fact this is. The truth is always healing, no matter how dark it may feel. It always comes back to a choice: we get to choose to see what we feel, to see where we are and what we’ve done; or we can choose to see who we are. If knowing the truth sets us free, knowing ourselves and who we really are – loved, unique and deliberate creations of God -- must be one of the most freeing, beautiful experiences in life, especially in the midst of darkness. St Catherine of Siena says it best:

“Be who God meant you to be, and you will set the world on fire.”

Cheryl Seefeldt, Medical Program Director, has been with Hope Clinic for Women for three and a half years. She provides medical care for women prior to, during and after pregnancy through annual exams, STD checking and prenatal care.

When Did Adoption Become a Four Letter Word?

2011-07-01T13:39:00.003-05:00

At Hope Clinic for Women we are about choices. We make sure that every client that enters our door knows that she has choices -that even in crisis, taking the time to carefully consider those choices always allows for the best decision. I don't know about you, but waiting until my hair is on fire usually is not the best time to consider making a salon appointment.

We make no apologies here that we believe choosing life is the best choice - whether the young woman decides to parent the child herself or makes the incredibly selfless choice to place the baby for adoption. We share referrals to wonderful groups that can help the client with the difficult, but beautiful task of finding adoptive parents- a loving couple that are in most cases desperately seeking a child to love. And in the cases where they choose not to continue the pregnancy, we stand by ready to offer post-abortion counseling – seeking always to empower women to move to a place of health.

So why are more young women in unplanned pregnancies, not choosing adoption (less than 10%)? I did a little research, and the US Dept of HHS says they are not really sure. I have some theories - strictly of the layman variety. Research shows that the Millennial Generation is very family oriented and wish to have children - even if NOW is not when they planned it. Deciding to step up and parent makes sense to them. At the same time, our culture is currently glamorizing the teen mom with reality shows that - while they do point out the struggles - do it with $$ and celebrity. Watching a couple of those episodes, it is no wonder that most young women believe they could do at least as good a job, if not better, than most shown.

I am in awe of the young women that choose to parent. It is a difficult decision and means that they must work hard to make new plans, create new dreams and focus their life on someone else. I know being a mom is one of the hardest, yet most rewarding jobs that there is, and I completely support their selfless choice. I still wonder - how could we better support them if adoption might be a great choice in a particular situation?

Let us know what you think.

Beverly Rogers, Director of Community Relations, has been with Hope Clinic for Women for over a year and is charged with strengthening and building business relationships both with donors and the medical community and to raise awareness of the services available at HCFW, as well as the needs we have. She oversees 4 major annual fund raising events as well as church giving.

What are the Father's Rights?

2011-06-24T13:35:00.003-05:00

Are we helping the Fathers or making it harder for them?

I have wanted to write this blog for a couple of weeks but frankly chickened out because I know this is a controversial topic. It started when I read on Yahoo about the man in Arizona who put up a billboard of himself holding an outline of a 2 month old and it said something like: “This is how old my baby would be if my ex-girlfriend did not abort my child”.

OK, first. Do I think the billboard is tacky and hurtful?... You bet!

But it raises an issue I have come to think about more and more as I work at Hope Clinic…

What are the father’s rights?

It is really hard for us to say more men need to ‘stand up and be a proper dad’ or force them to pay child support when they have no rights to the child prior to the birth. Most abortions occur when there is already a heartbeat. You can debate whether or not it is a viable life.
You can also debate whether you think ‘because the fetus is in her body, it is in fact ‘her body- her choice’.

I don’t know... I guess this all is just not sitting well with me as we are trying to get more and more men into Hope Clinic to be part of the decision. How can we want him to take part of the responsibility and part of the parenting if we only want him to have rights AFTER the woman has already done the deciding for the both of them? I know I know. Hear me out first.

I was flipping the channels and saw on both Sex and the City and another show (the name escaping me right now) about whether or not a girl even has to tell her boyfriend (or the guy she had sex with) if she is pregnant. The women were split in their opinions, but the men in the show were all of the belief they deserved to know and be a part of the decision. They were mostly frustrated that it is possible that they wouldn’t be told something so important. It may not be a life to her, but it may be to him. She may not want to raise the child but he may want to. I know we could say then he should get to vote ‘for abortion’….I guess, I wish that in a split decision we would err on the side of life. Couldn’t she go through with the pregnancy and terminate her rights if he wanted the child?

Again, I am not saying there is a simple answer… There’s not. I know fear and shame and confusion cause women to make this decision; sometimes without the guy’s knowledge. I am not condemning them. I am just sad about it. I am sad for her that she felt like she couldn’t tell him. Sad for him that he never knew and never had a voice for what may have also been his only child too. I’m just raising the question…

But I am also thankful that at Hope Clinic we are creating an environment that does allow for open, honest, yet hard discussions between the girl AND the father of the baby. We provide one on one and couples counseling for both of them. No matter what they decide, we want them BOTH to know they are not alone and that we can help them. That’s why our tagline reads: “A Safe Place for Tough Choices”.

Give them Love AND Justice?!?

2011-06-17T14:10:00.005-05:00

Give them Love AND Justice?!
Earl Burns

When I was a kid, the biggest perk to living in a new middle-lower class neighborhood was the fact that it was developed smack dab in the middle of hilly Tennessee farmland with nothing around us really but woods to explore, rusty barbed-wire fences to cross, and old barns to get in to trouble in!

Most of us can remember at least one time in particular where we got in trouble for doing something we shouldn’t have been doing (I won’t be sharing all of mine). For some reason, I seem to remember a lot of those, but one particular memory seems to stick out…

Our neighbor across the street had a 1962 Chevy Pickup that had no doubt been rescued from some friend’s front yard (with cinder blocks in place of rubber tires if you catch my drift). Every Saturday our neighbor would get up at the crack of dawn to work on that truck. I remember several times the engine catching on fire in the process! Aside from replacing the cinder blocks with real Goodyear white-walls, the one thing he did seem to get right was the paint job. That truck was his pride and joy!

One Saturday afternoon (age 10), while testing the strength of a used bow I bought from a friend, I decided it would be great to see how deep I could get the returning arrow to sink into the dirt after shooting it straight up. Having a brother who was a great spotter helped with my intentions of having a perfect trajectory, but (as we all miss details from time to time), I did NOT account for wind-sheer! For the few seconds of flight while we stood in our back yard, I actually thought this was going to be the perfect shot until a loud THUD came from across the street. The thud was a result of a solid steel arrow-head piercing the nice shiny hood of that black ’62 Chevy!

My dad was NOT happy, but not quite as unhappy as the neighbor seemed! After running from my neighbor’s house to avoid apparent bodily injury, I was soon confronted by my Dad. I knew I was in trouble! As much as I hated having to tell my dad about something I did that was wrong, the part I always looked forward to was getting it over with. My dad told me I would have to go apologize (and retrieve the arrow still lodged in the hood) and then offer to pay for the repairs.

What I remember most is turning around to face my house after apologizing to my neighbor and seeing the curtain in our picture window jump back into place from where my Dad had been peeking to check on me. When I got home, he hugged me and then explained to me, as he always did, how important it was to take responsibility for the things we do that are wrong and then to do what we can to make them right. I will never forget that lesson, partly because of the content, but mostly because of the consistency with which he taught me… and still does to this day! What drove that point home is that I saw him do the same thing when he was faced with difficult scenarios and was called to account for his own mistakes and shortcomings.

We all, at our deepest core, know that making choices that are unwise in nature require some sort of justice. For example; a company charges us for something they did not do, we expect to get a credit on the invoice and if it happens consistently, we may even resort to reported them to the Federal Trade Commission or the Better Business Bureau. We do the same thing with our children.

Now that I am a father, and have been for over 10 years now, I have learned how important it is to teach my son to take responsibility for his actions when he does something wrong by not only using my words, but also my actions. Tacked onto this concept however is the importance of combining that discipline with LOVE! I have to work at this DAILY and fail regularly!!

We, as humans, seem to have this innate ability to default to one extreme or the other. We are either ALL JUSTICE, or ALL LOVE. It is difficult for us, in our finite minds, to comprehend the importance of being BOTH. Without love, justice becomes nothing more than punishment without rehabilitation, and the negative behavior will continue. Without justice, love is cheapened and becomes a response that is interpreted by the child as “I guess they don’t really care” – and so the behavior continues without any change.

The best way for us to instill a solid, life-changing motivation in the hearts of our children is to help them understand the need for justice, while proclaiming to them that we love them. This balance must be maintained and does not, unfortunately, exist without regular repair and enforcement.

The BIGGEST hurdle for parents that I mentor today is their struggle, or unwillingness, to grasp the importance of helping their children to recognize the JUSTICE required as a result of unwise choices, while proclaiming their unchanged LOVE for their child. Too often, as parents, we stop after discussing the consequences! Consequences are unavoidable and natural and do not always have to be explained, but unconditional LOVE is something that is rare to stumble on these days… and you can’t take that chance with your kids! TELL THEM THAT YOU LOVE THEM AND THAT YOUR LOVE FOR THEM WILL NEVER GO AWAY – despite unwise choices.

It may not be an arrow accidentally shot into the hood of your neighbor’s favorite past-time, but either way, your kids should know that you disagree with a particular behavior and why, and then, in the same breath, they should be told that your LOVE for them will never change as a result of negative behavior! How would you be different today if you had experienced this in your childhood?

This Father’s Day weekend share with us an example of how your father, or you as a father, have demonstrated justice with love. Happy Father’s Day Dads!!!

Earl Burns has over 20 years of mentoring experience to teens and individuals and oversees our programs that cater specifically to the male partners and parents of Hope Clinic’s clients. He started as a volunteer at Hope Clinic and now also leads the prevention program as well as manages relationships with our other Agency partners. You can email Earl at: eburns@hopeclinicforwomen.org

Reaction to Article from USA Today

2011-06-03T11:34:00.000-05:00

Reaction to recent article in USA Today about the overall decline in abortions
by Renee Rizzo, President/CEO of Hope Clinic for Women

http://yourlife.usatoday.com/health/medical/womenshealth/story/2011/05/Abortion-rates-decline-overall-but-increase-in-poor/47506252/1

Hope Clinic tries to stay away from political polarization. This allows us to be a safe place for all women in an unplanned pregnancy….regardless of where they stand on the issue morally, religiously or politically…. Because after years of experience I am learning stands can fall to the wayside, when it is YOU that the unplanned pregnancy is happening to. So please know that my response to this issue is not to create controversy but share facts, thoughts and how we at HOPE CLINIC FOR WOMEN are trying to meet the needs of the many women, men and families impacted in an unplanned pregnancy.

First this article shows that at least as of 2008, abortion rates were declining overall. In 1992, it was estimated that nearly 43% of all women would have an abortion by the end of their childbearing years. In 2008 that is projected down to 33%. And more Americans want more restrictions on abortion and a growing number of Americans wanted all or most abortions illegal. The Gallup poll states that “61% now would prefer abortion to only be legal in a few circumstances”.

Who IS choosing abortion?

Predominantly poor women (uninsured, underinsured). In fact up 18% with the general population at a decline of 8%.

Someone was quoted as saying it was because these women don’t have access to birth control. Honestly I just don’t buy that answer completely. Based on the 3,000 plus women who have walked through our doors in the last years, we learn they simply choose NOT to make birth control a priority and don’t use it consistently. (As they are carrying their smartphone in one hand and Starbucks in the other). Last time I checked they are still at every drug store on the corner. And if cost were the issue…how is it that they can’t afford birth control at less than $25 a month but can afford an abortion at over $500. It doesn’t add up.

I DO empathize with this population. They need to be better educated about the real risks of pregnancy and stds with sex. They do need access to medical care for both std testing and paps..and a chance to talk to a real doctor on a regular basis. And they need a chance to talk to a counselor if they want to change their risky behavior but don’t have the tools. I am grateful that at Hope Clinic we provide this information for free and provide medical std/pap testing for $20 and never let inability to pay stop a client from receiving our care.

Women in their 20s (predominantly 20-24); accounting for more than ½ of all abortions (in fact teen pregnancy is actually on the decline.

Regardless of what Teen Mom and 16 & Pregnant and The Secret Life of the American Teenager….not everyone in high school is having sex and they are not our biggest risk population. Typically 75% of all teen pregnancies are 18 and 19 year olds. In fact there are more women over 30 having an abortion that those under 20.

While the abortion rate for Black women have decreased (by 18%) they are still more likely to have an abortion compared to Caucasian women. On the rise? Abortion among Hispanic women.

We are grateful that at Hope Clinic we see women of all races and have made incredible strides to have bilingual volunteers to help bridge the gap with this much underserved population.

Interestingly abortion is common among women who already have 1 child. I am sure a lot of that may reflect on how hard it is both mentally and economically to be a single parent. That is why I am grateful at Hope Clinic we offer our BRIDGE program for free for pregnant women and new moms…a chance to take classes, get professional counseling, gain needed life skills, have access to a mentor…in exchange for material assistance.

Here is the hard fact: most women who had an abortion said they have a religious affiliation (with 15% ‘born again’).

We know at Hope Clinic, women feel they have no other choice. The pressures, the fears, the shame, the guilt…all ring louder than the truth that there is hope, there is help, there is healing, and there is Hope Clinic for Women. (and places like us all across the country).

But I cannot end this blog without being thankful that we have been offering Pregnancy Loss counseling (past abortions, stillbirth and miscarriage) for over 20 years. We know how hard and long that decision can weigh on a woman. We want to be that safe place for her to process it …the best way for her.

When did it become embarrassing to be a virgin?

2010-10-28T11:11:00.000-05:00

I can't believe I am writing this...because it shows how old I am and how far we have come since I was in high school...but here goes...

When I was in high school, girls wanted boys to know they were virgins. It was a sign of values, strength and honor. Not just Christian girls, all girls. Smart girls, pretty girls, cheerleaders, etc... All of us. I know this because I was one of those people that was friends with everyone. I never fell completely in one clique. So I say that with confidence. Friends were just friends were just friends and there were no benefits...well at least not sexually. We giggled about 'bases' but very few 'hit the home run' and if you did, you didn't cop to it.

Before moving to Nashville I coached for 10 years at the local public high school. Yes I had cheerleaders who had babies, who had abortions and who did a bunch of other stuff I was sad to discover. So I haven't lived in a fog. I have seen sex creep into the schools at a younger and younger age. But the one thing that still stood out was that it was still socially acceptable to be a virgin.

In the last year I have seen so many shows on MTV and VH1 where both guys and girls tease other girls for being a virgin. Like it is a bad thing. An embarrassment. Now it has hit mainstream TV. In the last couple of weeks I have seen on Grey's Anatomy and 90210 where women were either embarrassed or harassed for being a virgin. Sigh. Has it come to that?

It is hard enough to choose abstinence today with sex saturated everywhere but to add being embarrassed about? That is sad. I don't have an answer to young people to change this. All I can say is the sooner you have to stand on your own values in any area of your life, the sooner you are ready for adulthood. Peer pressure occurs at all ages in all settings. It even happens at work, in church and at your small group. There are few safe places from either real peer pressure or perceived pressure. I am sorry for young people that they just have to face it sooner and sooner with harder and harder topics.

Let's pray for young people. Let's do what we can to model standing firm in the midst of pressure. And let's continue to show grace when they fall short of reaching the high mark. It is harder to get there.

Renee

Teen Mom

2010-10-04T11:04:00.000-05:00

I must warn you: this is a frank conversation. I get that every day I hear about pregnancy and STD's and have straight talk with staff, clients, and volunteers. That being said, my filter on this topic may be different from your own. But I think it is important for us to deal with this topic openly if we want young people to listen to us and be real with us. Only then can we really have a chance to speak the truth in love to them.

I am not going to talk about the show this week but the website MTV constantly refers to during the show: http://www.itsyoursexlife.org/. They promote this site with the sentence: Teenage Pregnancy is 100% preventable. Yes, they make that strong of a claim. But when you go to the site, you get lots of information that at a glance seems good. Yes, you should talk about sex and the potential risks with your partner before even engaging in activity. But then the whole website is filled with information about condom use, getting tested, etc. The site is done in partnership with various organizations including the CDC and Planned Parenthood. i found one teeny tiny sentence that said this: "not having vaginal sex is the best form of preventing pregnancy". (Um, last I checked that is the only 100% effective way to prevent pregnancy). Also, I couldn't help but notice they added "vaginal" which I think implies: other forms of sex are completely fine. They make it seem like while abstinence is the better choice, condom use is a close second place option. They really stress that proper use each and every time with a condom is almost 100% protection. But that is just not true. Here is their exact claim:

For those who are sexually active, the only protection against BOTH pregnancy and STD's, including HIV, are condoms. Not only does the consistent and correct use of condoms offer protection against pregnancy, it can also reduce the risk for many other STD's including HIV.

My problem with this line to a teenager is the implied full proof blanket condoms provide against pregnancy. Truth: even when used correctly each and every time, a condom is not 100% effective on pregnancy. From our experience at Hope Clinic, less than 20% of our clients use a condom each and every time. And then it says it "can reduce the risk for many STD's". Yes, this is true, but do they ever say that it still has nearly a 17% failure rate on STD's? No.

And here is a 'medical' fact they don't bring up at all that directly impacts the 'emotional side effects': the normal hormone that is released in a woman after sex that cause her to want to 'connect' and 'attach' does not exist in men, so it is different for them. Most women have no idea why he doesn't feel the same things after sex that she does. This leads to my biggest concern with the website.

Nowhere does it talk about the emotional and spiritual issues tied to sex. Nowhere does it discuss how to even discuss that part with your partner. It has reduced sex to just sex; an act that has only physical consequences (like STD's and pregnancy). I guess out of the entire site, that is my biggest concern. As we deal with clients every day that may or may not be pregnant or have an STD...all of them have been affected emotionally by their choices. And many of them are dealing with the spiritual/moral issues as well.

I am not trying to bash MTV or even the facts on this website. I am actually grateful for them bringing the topic to light and they are trying to appeal to a wide audience. I am just saying, as a woman, as a coach, as a young adult small group leader, as the CEO of Hope Clinic, I can tell you sex is not just sex. If we convince young people the only life changing effects of sex are unplanned pregnancies and STD's, we are ignoring the inner workings of our humanity. And until we talk about all parts of the issue we leave our young people defenseless and disillusioned.

Eat, Pray, What?

2010-09-24T11:00:00.000-05:00

I recently saw the movie Eat, Pray, Love. It's the story of one woman's journey to find love, happiness and peace for herself. So she leaves her world (literally), including her husband, job, friends/family, and spends an entire year traveling the world in search of love, happiness and peace. She has made the choice to leave everything in order to find these things for herself.

There's certainly nothing wrong with wanting love, happiness and peace, understanding who you are, seeking answers to those big questions in your mind. But as you live life, remember that your life involves other people. As John Donne once wrote, "No man is an island." The way we live our life touches others. The choices we make for ourselves affect the people around us, no matter how big or small the choice is.

Think about it. When good things happen to us, we want to share it with others. When our good choices result in good outcomes, we want to share that success with the people we care about, for instance choosing college and then celebrating when we finally graduate. Our good choices affect others because they care about us and want to celebrate with us. And in the same way, our negative choices affect those same people. When we hurt, those who care for us hurt as well. Our choices can even affect people we don't know. don't be fooled into believing your choices don't affect others. They affect someone.

Much of this love, happiness and peace we seek comes when we focus, not on our own love, happiness and peace, but in helping others find the same. The people we interact with on a daily basis like co-workers, peers, friends, boy/girl friends, spouses, etc...those people we eat, pray and love with.

Tabitha

We don't wait well

2010-09-15T13:28:00.000-05:00

I visited HopePark Church this past week and listened to Pastor David Perez teach about 'waiting in the wilderness'. How do we handle the 'in between time' of God's promise and fruition? He even showed a clip of The Marshmallow Test, which illustrated young children's ability to either eat one marshmallow immediately or wait 20 minutes for two. They apparently followed these children through college into adulthood and discovered that those who waited were more successful in school and in their careers and felt more fulfilled. It caused me to reflect on my own life and the areas where I patiently waited for the right thing vs. settling quickly for the wrong thing. I then thought about the times I wasn't patient...yeah...pretty humbling. I think about how badly most of us wait in traffic, in line at the store, the line at the DMV, waiting for test results (both school and medical test results), etc. Think about it. We live in a fast paced world where food, data...just about anything is available in seconds. Have you ever forgotten your cell phone at home and noticed how impatient people are waiting for you to return a call or text? We are training ourselves to wait for very little today. We think we are good 'waiters' when a few days, weeks or months go by before a promise is fulfilled. But the Old Testament is filled with those who waited years...decades...before God's promises were realized.

At Hope Clinic we teach young adults about abstinence until marriage; which is immediately followed by the word: wait. Ah waiting. That thing we are no longer training ourselves or modeling to young people how to do. And we wonder why waiting is so hard for them with something as big and difficult as sex. Especially when you consider the average age of marriage is no longer 18 or 22, but well into 20's and 30's. And I wonder...what other area of our lives have we successfully modeled to wait 10 or 15 years before fulfillment?

Do I think we should teach young people to wait on sex? Absolutely. But after this teaching at church, I am asking myself how well I model "waiting" in all areas of my life. How am I really teaching them to wait? Am I willing to wait for the things I want too? Young adults are watching us more than they are listening to us. If we want them to wait, let's remember to show them how to wait and the positive results of waiting...in all areas of our life. If we teach them to wait for the little things, they will learn how to wait for the big things.

-Renee

What do you really need?

2010-09-07T16:34:00.000-05:00

This week's blog is about something I saw on the 'Secret Life of the American Teenager' last week (so the 8/30/10 episode). Ricky is a junior in high school. He is the father of the baby, John. Some background on Ricky: Ricky plays out the ultimate 'player' character. I don't know where his father was in his life but his mom was an addict and we learned he has not had the most stable childhood. Recently he has been cared for by a foster family. The show depicts his foster parents as well educated, grounded people, trying to bring some balance and security in his life. But we can tell they came into his life late so they are doing the best they can. In fact, at this point Ricky lives in an apartnemt above the butcher shop he works in. Part of why Ricky is not currently dating the mother of his son, (well that is actually changing but more on that another week), is because he notoriously sleeps around.

I have been intrigued with the growth of this character over the last few seasons. The hopeless 'hopeful' person in me sees a young man, with no good model in his past, fight really hard to be a good dad and a good man. But well, he is 17 and he doesn't have a lot of help so he certainly messes up and slides back to his old patterns often but I see someone really trying. He is working after school to support his son and has given up many frivolous things he used to do. No big deal? I see plenty of 'baby daddies' at the high school ignoring all responsibility.

So what has intrigued me this week about Ricky has to do with the conversation he had with his male therapist. He is considering if he and the mother of his child should 'try to work on their relationship'. His one concern is his need for sex and the mother of his baby not wanting to have sex. (She got pregnant with their child the one and only time she had sex). He says: "You know me, I need sex. I can't go without sex." His therapist says: "No Ricky. I am going to challenge your thinking. I think you need to feel loved. And sex has been the only way you knew how to seek it from a woman."
And then they really explore this. Ricky doesn't tell him he is crazy for saying that! Yeah, I fell off the couch then. Do I expect to hear that from a therapist to a female client? Yes. But my own stereotypes tell me there is no way a guy would do that would they? Yes they would. Young men want to feel loved too. Just like young women. They have just been taught to go for the hunt. Have sex and take the love from a woman. But just like women who have sex to feel loved, this type of exchange is un-authentic. It feels good for the moment but like a sugar rush after a bunch of chocolate, it is not the real sustaining kind we all seek.

I am so glad we have male counselors and mentors at Hope Clinic now. These young men need us as desperately as the women do. You may think they don't talk to the men here but they do. Earl tells me time and again how MUCH the young men share, how they hug him at the end, how relieved they are to finally have someone to talk to. I keep reminding people that 60% of the young men today are growing up without a father figure in the home. We want them to 'be a real man' or 'be a Godly Man' and yet most of them have not seen this, their entire life. So this week I am encouraging all of us to do what we can to make sure the young men we know have access to Godly men who will take the time to speak into their life, share life with them and mentor them. And if you want to know more about how you can do this at Hope Clinic, contact Earl Burns at EBurns@hopeclinicforwomen.org.

I am not your friend, I am your Father.

2010-08-19T08:34:00.001-05:00

This was probably my favorite line from "The Secret Life of the American Teenager" this week. The classic email gone wrong: a teenager sent an email to her father intended to get to her friend and she was busted for lying about sleeping at a friend's house. She clearly lied. She clearly made a choice to spend the night with her boyfriend which she knew was against her parents' wishes. Ironically, she was the one with the bad attitude toward her father. She was worried her privacy was compromised by seeing a text he shouldn't have. And she showed no remorse for her behavior, only for getting caught. So when the father started to discipline her for her lying she said: "I am mad at you dad, you are not my friend anymore". He replied with: "I am okay with that because I am not your friend. I am your Father". Amen!

I see this all the time. I coached teenagers for 10 years and did teenager/young adult small group bible studies at the church I worked at for another 5 years long before my time at Hope Clinic. This young girl's attitude is not uncommon: Children who expect to be friends with their parents; children who expect high levels of privacy from their parents; children who don't show remorse for bad behavior; children who want all the freedom of adulthood but none of the responsibility and parents who want to be friends more than they want to be parents. Is this all young people or parents? No. But it is more and more of them today. Statistically we know young people are physically maturing at a younger age, (http://health.yahoo.net/news/s/nm/us%20puberty%20earlier) and they are exposed to sex/adult decisions at a younger age and yet each generation is maturing more slowly than the one before. (Think: Our grandparents were married, on their own with a job at 18; today college doesn't end for many until 23-25 and children are living/returning home longer than ever before).

My viewpoint on the friends vs. parents is my own. Not a Hope Clinic ordained rule. I have just not seen it work for young children and teenagers when you put the friendship in front of the parenting. As a coach, I believed in teamwork, giving my kids a chance to share ideas, but my athletes knew the buck stopped with me and I had the final vote. And sometimes I would choose to do what is best for the team even if I knew someone was going to be mad at me. I know effective teachers who draw the same boundary. As a boss over the last 10 years I have had to make those hard lines there too. Do we want to be 'friends'? Sure, on some level. But we need to put our commitment to our leadership/mentoring role (whether teacher, coach, parent, or boss) ahead of meeting our own need to be liked by doing what is best for the one we are guiding. The one we have been entrusted to care for and help grow into a strong, capable human being.

Do we want to love and nurture? Yes! Do we want to give children a chance to succeed and fail on their own? Yes! But do they need boundaries? Yes! So before you bail out your child of oversleeping, not finishing a homework assignment, or something similar, consider letting the chips fall where they may. Consider guiding your child through the consequences, not around them. Because if they aren't equipped to handle the small stuff, then they are not equipped to handle the bigger stuff. Like the things that bring them to Hope Clinic for Women in the first place. Consider letting them be mad at you for a day or two or not your friend because you had to set a boundary that you know is good for them in the long term. Their future coach, teacher, boss, and spouse will thank you for it.

-Renee

Take time to evaluate your approach

2010-08-09T15:38:00.000-05:00

February 25th, 2009, at 9:31 a.m., Turkish Airlines flight 1951 crashed upon approach to Amsterdam's Schiphol Airport, killing nine and injuring eighty of the 135 passengers and crew on board. Investigators in The Netherlands have announced that the crash of the Boeing 737-800 was caused by a combination of an instrument failure and pilot error.

The head of the Dutch Safety Board said that as the airliner's height was at minus eight feet. Because the autopilot and autothrottle were running from this flawed data, the plane automatically reduced engine power as it would have done in the final seconds before landing.

The plane's altitude and airspeed continued to fall for a minute and a half without the pilot even noticing. At 450 feet from the ground and an airspeed 46 mph lower than it should be, the aircraft's stick shaker activated to warn the flight crew of an imminent aerodynamic stall. The pilots applied full engine thrust, but were too late to prevent the accident. The aircraft crashed into a field and broke into three pieces.

Following the investigation, the Dutch Safety Board's press release stated that, "When the crew of the Turkish Airlines noticed what was going on, it was already too late to intervene effectively".

This chain of events surrounding a plane crash is a great example of how we respond to painful circumstances when they take us by surprise. For example, when your child comes to you to inform you that they are soon to be a parent, and you, a grand parent! How would/do you react in these situations? Anger, frustration, resentment, yelling, seclusion, running away, perhaps even saying nothing?

At best, even for those of us who work in these environments, we realize that we rarely feel prepared to handle such difficult circumstances the moment that we feel hit by them. Typically, our initial responses are born out of feelings of disappointment, intense fear and anxiety, and may even be strongly influenced by our own past hurts and disappointing behaviors. In short, many times we find ourselves initially saying the very things that help the least in times of crisis. Why is this?

I would suggest to you that this is a problem of perspective. So how can we adopt a loving perspective all the while communicating the truth of the matter? First, you are not a bad person for feeling any of those above mentioned emotions. The rage of emotions you may be dealing with are natural and should be identified and not covered up. Secondly, you CAN address the situation in a way that will facilitate a loving growing relationship with your child. Finally, evaluating or even re-evaluating your approach to such topics will be a challenging road to say the lease, but the focus must be kept on the eventual and abundant reward of taking the right approach.

A college friend of mine currently works as a commercial pilot transporting goods from one state to another, many times across the country. He often flies at night with millions of dollars worth of cargo and nothing more to rely on other than training and instruments. Flight school is geared to train the pilot to only partially rely on the ever-increasing effectiveness of instrumentation. But the checks and balances that have been put in place in their training allow for corrective measures to be taken by the pilot in circumstances where the instrumentation fails.

If the pilots in the above described account would have noticed the auto-throttle on the plane backing the engines off for one -and -a -half minutes prior to reaching that fatal 450 feet above ground, the plane would have never stalled, and the saving of the nine lives and 80 different injuries would have been as simple as the pilot's adjusting of the throttle by at least 50 mph!

How many times have we failed to evaluate our approach in our responses, and in failing to do so, we have injured the relationship with our kids by responding only from anger or hurt? Ideally, we would allow for the response to lead them closer to the one person we actually want them to rely on and turn to in difficult moment...US?!?

We as parents desire to be the tempered gut reaction in our children's lives that leads them away from difficult or damaging circumstances. How many of us actually want our children to experience a fatal crash? Hopefully, none of us! The truth is, we also want our children to learn from and recognize the hurt and pain that their poor choices make for them and for us. But let me offer this one piece of advice: they are more aware of that grief and the reality of that pain than you will ever recognize, especially when focusing on our own pain, grief and disappointment is many times the first thing that crosses our minds.

Please be encouraged to take the time to mend old wounds with your child today, regardless of their or your age; and please, evaluate your approach the next time your child is in a hurting and vulnerable position.

Even an empty five-gallon bucket becomes unbearable over miles of travel by foot. How much more unbearable is the emotional pain caused by a loving parent when carried over many years of life?

-Earl Burns

Weekly Blog from today's TV

2010-08-03T14:19:00.000-05:00

Not much to comment on with 'Secret Life of the American Teenager' so I will comment on a couple of the main characters of 'Teen Mom' Season 2 on MTV. This is a 'reality' show of sorts. I use that term loosely because we know reality shows aren't quite...real. This show follows 4 of the original girls that were portrayed in their pregnancy. Their children are just over a year old. Three of the girls are parenting. One chose adoption.

First, let me talk about Amber. She is the only one of the three that is actually still with the father of the baby. But that relationship is quite unstable. To me, watching this couple reminds me that it is not always in the best interest of the child for the couple to stay together just because they had a baby together. That child is exposed to yelling, screaming and hitting. (Oh, and in case you were wondering, it is the girl hitting the guy). They are both unemployed and I don't see them trying very hard to work. Not even sure if Amber got her GED yet. And as far as I can tell, they are not getting couples counseling. They would benefit greatly from Hope Clinic's couple's counseling, individual counseling and BRIDGE program. It is important to us to keep working with our clients even after the baby is born. We want to equip our clients as much as possible so she and her baby have the healthiest future possible. So if you see this Amber, please call a place like Hope Clinic for Women near you. For you and for your beautiful baby! I know you have it in you; you just need some help.

Maci is another young mom. She lives at home with her parents and they are really helping her. I like her. She really is trying to be a good mom, work, and go to school. She made the healthy choice NOT to marry the father of the baby as she realized he wasn't growing up enough. Because her parents are helping her, she has the time to attend community college. This past show, she thought she may be able to move in with her friends but they were honest with her about not wanting to live with a toddler. I appreciated the honesty of that whole scene. You can still have a productive life after an unplanned pregnancy, but there are sacrifices and it takes a team of people to help you. That is the hard truth. She is really stepping up to the plate though. Go Maci!

Before I close I have to comment on something I saw on TV this week. It was a rerun of a 'Friends' episode where Ross finds out Rachel is pregnant with his child. He goes into a rant that he had no idea that condoms were only 97% effective. You can't help but laugh at the scene between he and Joey as they realize...in their 30's, that condoms are not 100% effective. But kidding aside, the truth is, the majority of the people using them don't realize that or want to realize that. And that percent is that high only if used correctly each and every time, which we know from our clients is not typical. So while a funny scene, it reminds me of how many times people really don't think it through before becoming sexually active. And how 'in control we think we are'. The issue is not just an unplanned pregnancy or contracting an STD. Sex in the wrong setting hurts deeper than that and the consequences cannot be contained by a piece of latex. Or a pill. That is why I am so glad when we talk to young adults; we address their heart, their head, their dreams, and their hopes. We want to equip them from the inside out. Want to help your teen or young adult? Contact us about coming to speak at your school or Church. :)

Thoughts on 'Secret Life'

2010-07-20T14:08:00.000-05:00

I have two weeks of episodes to comment on. Last week we saw Adrian, the young girl we thought would have an abortion. To remind you, her father was not in favor of the abortion and her mother said she 'supported her decision either way'...but what we learned by the end of the show was that mom really was leaning towards abortion. As I said, this is not unusual, even in a Christian home, for the parents to be divided on what to do. I felt for the young girl. Either choice she made she knew she was disappointing one parent. It is why I really wish parents could meet privately and wrestle together but stand united when they are face to face with their child. I think in any area, a child doesn't like to choose between parents.

So why did Adrian not choose abortion? Interstingly, she runs into a woman at the abortion clinic who sits with her and talks with her without an agenda. Is it exactly how we do our inital visit with clients? No, but there are similarities. Especially when it came to really listening to Adrian. Sometimes when someone comes to us in crisis, all we want to do is help and fix...and somtimes all we need to do is listen. Really listen. THAT is what we do at Hope Clinic. Many times we don't need to shame, guilt or put fear into a cleint for her to see that choosing life is an option she really wants all on her own. Sometimes she needs to just find her voice, talk it out, think it through and her choice may surprise even herself.

Then last night I really liked two other things. One mother was talking to her daughter about a boy the daughter liked. And the mom said something we need to say to young adults more often...and frankly to one another more often. She said: 'we just can't decide based on our feelings alone. Sometimes we need to think more. And sometimes no matter what we are feeling, we need to go with what we know to be right and healthy for us in the long run'. And honestly I think that is one of the biggest problems facing young people...well all of us today when it comes to us acting immorally. Because the infidelity rate is high enough in marriage for us to recongize it is not just immature teenagers making unhealthy decisions. Many times we abandon logic, reason, and what we know to be true based only on what we are feeling. And then we seem surprised that the outcome doesn't turn out so well. I liked that reminder. For you, for me, and for our clients.

The other thing I liked last night was hearing from the one male parent who I think is the healthiest male role model. The father of Adrian's baby is Ben. I am referring to Ben's dad. Ben's dad lost his wife to cancer and has been raising Ben alone until he recently got remarried. I don't agree with everything he says but he does not waiver in his ability to show love for his son no matter what while challenging his son to 'do the right thing...be a man...take responsibility'. And he doesn't just say it. He tries to explain it, model it, and support Ben through it. He is firm but the foundation is love. Ben hates how much his dad pushes him yet he doesn't hate it because he is pushed to do something he didn't think he could do and when he does it, he realizes he is stronger than he thought. I wish more dads could do this. More young men today need this kind of love. An unconditional love, yes. But one with boundaries. One where the moral compass does not change but one that offers grace as well. It is a hard balance for sure. But it is the greatest, hardest, most rewarding and important thing a father could do for a son. Even more that help pay for the most prestigious college or buying him a car. But helping him become a man.

Reflections of 'The Secret Life of an American Teenager'

2010-07-12T16:44:00.000-05:00

I wish I had been blogging about this show (and other similar ones) for the last couple of years. Many times I am thankful the topic of pregnancy hits the mainstream TV audience, but sometimes I cringe if I am unsure of the direction they may take. In the last year alone, we have seen this topic hit: Private Practice (abortion in a pro-life family and postpartum depression), Teen Mom (MTV) and of course, 'Secret Life' on ABC Family. There is more I am sure but my brain is fuzzy right now.

It is not my intent to over analyze a show, praise it or criticize it, but merely respond to it and open up discussion. Background: This show started with a young, sweet high school girl who seemed to fall in the 'good girl' category. She goes to band camp and has sex for the first time and gets pregnant. She considers abortion but realizes she can't go through with it. For two seasons we have watched her, the father of the baby and family and friends respond to this. Do I think it's realistic? Sometimes. I can't go back and give my thoughts on the past but this year's storyline is different. Basically, another student gets pregnant and tonight, she is supposedly on her way to get an abortion. Her reputation suggests she sleeps around. She is also the girl who was born because her mother had an unplanned pregnancy. Coincidentally perhaps, her birth dad is now just back in the picture and married to her mother.

What do I like? The struggle when the family unit doesn't agree on what to do. Dad wants her to keep the baby and tries to take control of the situation. She wants to abort. Her mother 'supports her decision whatever it is'. Oh and the father of the baby is also in the 'I will support her in whatever she wants' camp but seems really wishy washy on where he stands and frankly I think enjoying too much sitting on his 'I will support her' fence. It conveniently keeps him from making an adult decision. Basically, all of their differing viewpoints are real life. We hardly see the entire family unit in agreement on what to do. It is raw and hard on everyone.

What I don't like. I don't like that adoption was never discussed as an option. The only person who even slightly mentions it is the pregnant girls 'religious' friend whom I think never actually says the word "adoption". (I won't mention how they mockingly portray the 'Christian' girl yet.) I hate that such a wonderful option received no air time whatsoever. The only reason she gives for not keeping the baby is that 'she is not ready to be a parent'. It isn't even that she is worried about people finding out as at least 1/3 of the school already figured it out. So why not put adoption on the table at least? I also don't like the stereotype of the 'good girl' on the show choosing life and the 'bad girl' is choosing abortion. It doesn't always go that way. We like to think it does...but it doesn't. And I don't like that no one really sits down and talks with her about the emotional and/or medical side effects of abortion. Her mother tries to say both decisions are big and life changing but there really wasn't a deep thoughtful process on what kind of thoughts she would even be experiencing. It was all about: we have to get this done. But I can't fault the show for portraying it that way as it is pretty close to how it happens sometimes.

Frankly, I am not sure what they will do tonight. As far as I know, they haven't really had a girl on a TV show choose abortion, have they? We know it happens. In fact, it happens at least1 in 3 times if not more in an unplanned pregnancy. Even 'Party of Five' many years ago had a character miscarry on the way to the abortion procedure. Sure, there are shows where the character may have already had one, but actually having one...pretty big even for TV.

Tune in to this blog and I will share my thoughts on it on the other side...

Renee

A Practitioner's Response to the Morning After

2010-06-16T09:57:00.000-05:00

http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2010/06/11/127773992/new-morning-pill-works-five-days-later-too

As a practitioner who sees clients day in and day out dealing with unplanned pregnancy, the fear of unplanned pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases, it seems to me, the need is not for another emergency drug to deal with an unplanned pregnancy--but to prevent unplanned conception in the first place. The issue is not that someone suddenly realizes they might be pregnant, the issue is that over half of all pregnancies are unplanned. The logical way to deal with a situation is usually to get to within a couple days of conception, but thatshe has put herself in a position where she could get pregnant unintentionally in the first place. We need to be addressing the risky behavior more aggressively, rather than scrambling to meet a 3-5 day deadline after the fact. Besides, the majority of the women I see don't even realize they are pregnant or have a possibility of pregnancy till they miss their first period, which is long past that 5 day mark. Women need to take ownership of their sexual behavior, they need to understand their bodies and fertility. This seems more an issue of women undervaluing their body, their sexuality, and their ability to bear children: therefore it follows, that if women were educated and learned to respect these things, they would handle them with care.

Another major idea this article seems to promote is the idea that an unplanned pregnancy is a bad thing and something that should be terminated. Not all unplanned events in life are undesired events. Some of the most beautiful and meaningful things that happen in life, happen by chance and despite our best efforts to avoid them. So, maybe our efforts should be spent in helping people learn to respect themselves and theri potential, learn to put themselves in situations that help them succeed; but then also encourage them to accept happenstance, showing them how to deal with the consequences in a healthy way, so as not to rush "dealing with it", which only will deepen the pain.

Cheri Seefeldt, FNP-C

Moving furniture around

2010-05-17T10:41:00.000-05:00

It's amazing to me that the placement of furniture in a room can drastically effect how we feel in the room. For example, this morning I walked into the intern office downstairs as Dr. Marshall, (also our staff interior designer), had moved a very bulky wooden table into the kitchen. The rustic black farmhouse table was also now in the work space area adjoining the intern office, providing a nice contrast to the mostly office-y pieces. It felt...good, and open. It made me want to walk through the area more as the space invited order as opposed to clutter. I found myself just standing there observing our busy interns getting ready for a full Monday. Nice.

Although I'm sure you are all dying to see the new layout, you are probably much more interested in the point of this entry. And I am getting there...! First of all, I'll ask you this simple question: when was the last time you moved furniture around in your own life? If you are anything like me, you may work from a comfy, yet dusty attic complete with dated wallpaper, a hand-me-down lazy boy, an overflowing trunk of nick knacks waiting to be sorted through and an oriental rug that hasn't been cleaned since the Clinton administration.

Here at Hope Clinic, there is always the temptation to fall into the proverbial "rut" and in contrast, the opportunity to hustle. Thankfully, we have been extremely blessed by consistent support from businesses, churches, volunteers, and prayer warriors. However, there is a distinctive choice made around here to grow and change for the better whether it means rearranging what we already have into a new formation or dreaming of something more suitable. Regardless, the mission continues to blow my mind and inspires me to clean my mess. It's never quite plausible to just start over altogether. Yet it is almost always possible to rearrange what hasn't worked in the past, and in doing so, invite life and beauty.

Take just ten minutes....

2010-05-05T15:20:00.000-05:00

It seems all week now we have gotten a constant stream of tragic accounts of loss due to this past weekend's flood disaster. People, even staff members here, have experienced extensive (and expensive), house, car, office, loss which cannot be undone. (Don't you wish you had an undo button for natural disasters?) Fortunately, the clinic is unscathed. However, I think we all have been affected in some way or know someone closely who has.

This is a very real example of crisis and also a very real example of how it can hit anyone at anytime. You can't plan perfectly for it and you can't react perfectly to it. I for one, have been really blessed to see the community of Nashville gracefully respond as just that: a community.

Timely enough, tomorrow is the National Day of Prayer. I know there are so many global crises taking place, ranging from the oil spil off the Gulf of Mexico, to the straggling repercussions of the earthquake in Haiti, to the continued economic hardship in our country. Now, add a Nashville flood that has stolen lives and homes unexpectedly...literally a mess.

So much of what we do here at the Clinic has been founded on and fueled by prayer; it is our most valuable player in day to day activities every year. Please join us, along with millions across the country, in this amazing and powerful opportunity to make a difference. Even just ten minutes set aside to pray in the car on the way to work or during lunch is all it takes! I think it is very fair to say our Hope can only rest in Him.

"The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in Him." Nahum 1:7

Guest of Honor

2010-04-27T12:40:00.000-05:00

Today is our annual Hope for the Future event at the stunning and nearby Hutton Hotel. Lily Smith has done an amazing job heading up this thing, along with our positively first-class team of staff members. As everyone around the clinic is bustling around, tweaking last minute details like the shrubs out front and the candle placement for the Open House, I feel the need to wrap my head around what's behind all the excitement. Down stairs in the conference room, there is this amazing poem I sneak down to read any time I can. I'd like to share it with you today.

"Hope is one of my favorite emotions because of its humility.
It's not like gladness or joy, which stick around just for the good stuff.
Hope is my heart's missionary. It humbly seeks fear and shame and hurt and befriends them.
Hope enters the very dustiest parts of my heart, cleans out the cobwebs,
and whispers of the promise of eternal perfection..."

-Maggie Lindley

It's really important for this "humble" emotion of Hope to grow strong in each one of us. At the Clinic, this emotion must forgo the luxury of discouragement and serve as the anchor for the thousands of men and women who walk through our heavy glass door each year. It must breathe life and refreshment in our staff and volunteers who tirelessly serve. It must spearhead the grand generosity of all who give, whether through time, prayer, or resources. Hope stays very busy. It has no choice.

And so tonight, at our big Gala, the guest of honor will in fact be Hope...I for one am looking forward to seeing it on every single face.