Pregnancy Loss, while not uncommon (approximately 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage and 15-20% end in abortion), is not a topic that many want to discuss. Whether it is a loss due to a miscarriage or an abortion, many struggle with how to respond to the grief that accompanies these difficult events. Women who have experienced a miscarriage often feel like there is an “expiration date” on their grief and that others expect them to “move on” quickly. They frequently report feeling that others do not acknowledge the relationship they had to their unborn child. And while abortion is common and is often talked about as a political issue or a social concern, it is rarely a topic shared through the personal experiences of those who have walked through the difficult process.
There are other losses we see that are as hard to talk about. Those losses often have to do with a child who is still hoped for. These issues are hard to address, not only in public, but also with friends. It is the loss that comes with a failed fertility procedure, the adoption that ended abruptly, or the inability to conceive naturally. According to the CDC 20% of women experience fertility issues and 7.5 % of men have seen a fertility specialist. Statistics also show that between 20-30% of adoptions are not considered “successful”. These all create a sense of loss and grief that often go unspoken.
At Hope Clinic, we seek to lift the shame and isolation that come with the experience of a pregnancy loss or difficulty in becoming a parent. While there is no way to take away the loss, our caring counselors and staff do help men and women in processing their feelings about what happened and find ways to cope with their emotions. It may come through finding healthy remembrances of their unborn child, or developing areas of themselves outside of what is going on physically. I often tell clients: although you cannot ever leave this in the past, and you shouldn’t feel that you have to, you can find a way to take this experience forward with you in a way that is helpful and balanced. The greatest help we can give anyone struggling with these difficult situations is to point them to The One who said: “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” (Matthew 5:4) And who promised courage and peace in the inevitable troubles of this world. (John 6:33) This is the true Hope that we offer and the foundation of all that we do as we seek to help those who are hurting from the loss of a child or pain of waiting for a child that they don’t yet have.
Amy Moseley is the Clinical and Outreach Director at Hope Clinic for Women. She oversees the Counseling, Pregnancy, and Prevention Programs and counsels men and women dealing with Pregnancy Loss, Relationships issues, and Postpartum Depression.
