Thoughts on 'Secret Life'

I have two weeks of episodes to comment on. Last week we saw Adrian, the young girl we thought would have an abortion. To remind you, her father was not in favor of the abortion and her mother said she 'supported her decision either way'...but what we learned by the end of the show was that mom really was leaning towards abortion. As I said, this is not unusual, even in a Christian home, for the parents to be divided on what to do. I felt for the young girl. Either choice she made she knew she was disappointing one parent. It is why I really wish parents could meet privately and wrestle together but stand united when they are face to face with their child. I think in any area, a child doesn't like to choose between parents.

So why did Adrian not choose abortion? Interstingly, she runs into a woman at the abortion clinic who sits with her and talks with her without an agenda. Is it exactly how we do our inital visit with clients? No, but there are similarities. Especially when it came to really listening to Adrian. Sometimes when someone comes to us in crisis, all we want to do is help and fix...and somtimes all we need to do is listen. Really listen. THAT is what we do at Hope Clinic. Many times we don't need to shame, guilt or put fear into a cleint for her to see that choosing life is an option she really wants all on her own. Sometimes she needs to just find her voice, talk it out, think it through and her choice may surprise even herself.

Then last night I really liked two other things. One mother was talking to her daughter about a boy the daughter liked. And the mom said something we need to say to young adults more often...and frankly to one another more often. She said: 'we just can't decide based on our feelings alone. Sometimes we need to think more. And sometimes no matter what we are feeling, we need to go with what we know to be right and healthy for us in the long run'. And honestly I think that is one of the biggest problems facing young people...well all of us today when it comes to us acting immorally. Because the infidelity rate is high enough in marriage for us to recongize it is not just immature teenagers making unhealthy decisions. Many times we abandon logic, reason, and what we know to be true based only on what we are feeling. And then we seem surprised that the outcome doesn't turn out so well. I liked that reminder. For you, for me, and for our clients.

The other thing I liked last night was hearing from the one male parent who I think is the healthiest male role model. The father of Adrian's baby is Ben. I am referring to Ben's dad. Ben's dad lost his wife to cancer and has been raising Ben alone until he recently got remarried. I don't agree with everything he says but he does not waiver in his ability to show love for his son no matter what while challenging his son to 'do the right thing...be a man...take responsibility'. And he doesn't just say it. He tries to explain it, model it, and support Ben through it. He is firm but the foundation is love. Ben hates how much his dad pushes him yet he doesn't hate it because he is pushed to do something he didn't think he could do and when he does it, he realizes he is stronger than he thought. I wish more dads could do this. More young men today need this kind of love. An unconditional love, yes. But one with boundaries. One where the moral compass does not change but one that offers grace as well. It is a hard balance for sure. But it is the greatest, hardest, most rewarding and important thing a father could do for a son. Even more that help pay for the most prestigious college or buying him a car. But helping him become a man.

Reflections of 'The Secret Life of an American Teenager'

I wish I had been blogging about this show (and other similar ones) for the last couple of years. Many times I am thankful the topic of pregnancy hits the mainstream TV audience, but sometimes I cringe if I am unsure of the direction they may take. In the last year alone, we have seen this topic hit: Private Practice (abortion in a pro-life family and postpartum depression), Teen Mom (MTV) and of course, 'Secret Life' on ABC Family. There is more I am sure but my brain is fuzzy right now.

It is not my intent to over analyze a show, praise it or criticize it, but merely respond to it and open up discussion. Background: This show started with a young, sweet high school girl who seemed to fall in the 'good girl' category. She goes to band camp and has sex for the first time and gets pregnant. She considers abortion but realizes she can't go through with it. For two seasons we have watched her, the father of the baby and family and friends respond to this. Do I think it's realistic? Sometimes. I can't go back and give my thoughts on the past but this year's storyline is different. Basically, another student gets pregnant and tonight, she is supposedly on her way to get an abortion. Her reputation suggests she sleeps around. She is also the girl who was born because her mother had an unplanned pregnancy. Coincidentally perhaps, her birth dad is now just back in the picture and married to her mother.

What do I like? The struggle when the family unit doesn't agree on what to do. Dad wants her to keep the baby and tries to take control of the situation. She wants to abort. Her mother 'supports her decision whatever it is'. Oh and the father of the baby is also in the 'I will support her in whatever she wants' camp but seems really wishy washy on where he stands and frankly I think enjoying too much sitting on his 'I will support her' fence. It conveniently keeps him from making an adult decision. Basically, all of their differing viewpoints are real life. We hardly see the entire family unit in agreement on what to do. It is raw and hard on everyone.

What I don't like. I don't like that adoption was never discussed as an option. The only person who even slightly mentions it is the pregnant girls 'religious' friend whom I think never actually says the word "adoption". (I won't mention how they mockingly portray the 'Christian' girl yet.) I hate that such a wonderful option received no air time whatsoever. The only reason she gives for not keeping the baby is that 'she is not ready to be a parent'. It isn't even that she is worried about people finding out as at least 1/3 of the school already figured it out. So why not put adoption on the table at least? I also don't like the stereotype of the 'good girl' on the show choosing life and the 'bad girl' is choosing abortion. It doesn't always go that way. We like to think it does...but it doesn't. And I don't like that no one really sits down and talks with her about the emotional and/or medical side effects of abortion. Her mother tries to say both decisions are big and life changing but there really wasn't a deep thoughtful process on what kind of thoughts she would even be experiencing. It was all about: we have to get this done. But I can't fault the show for portraying it that way as it is pretty close to how it happens sometimes.

Frankly, I am not sure what they will do tonight. As far as I know, they haven't really had a girl on a TV show choose abortion, have they? We know it happens. In fact, it happens at least1 in 3 times if not more in an unplanned pregnancy. Even 'Party of Five' many years ago had a character miscarry on the way to the abortion procedure. Sure, there are shows where the character may have already had one, but actually having one...pretty big even for TV.

Tune in to this blog and I will share my thoughts on it on the other side...

Renee